unlike what the idiot leongwoon predicted, my creative assignment managed an A-. yays!=)

sometimes you regret and sometimes you just have to move on...

finally, finished with all projects and other bullshit except for a ob qna. relief at last.. the weekend was somehow productive. spending time doing tutorials and my depressing econs lectures..especially proud of my stats..finished the whole thing without the darn lecture. still got cs100 e-lecture to go.. other than that, its good for now..

i really think i need to get a life.. exams in one month and holidays soon after..yays! class outing..haha..we were thinking of ubin.. seriously sick of the place but wouldn't mind it as long as i dun go near noordin or bahru or see any np kids. like just sit near the beach and watch the sea without all the ppl shouting.. hmm..shall plan for the class..but hopefully not a sc6 nitemare...

piggy and i made a pact for a month. haha, can't really say wat its abt cuz i'm not sure who reads this.

so we'll see, 1 month from now..=)

my grandma passsed away last tuesday. seriously, i dunno how and what to feel. its not that i'm being some stone hearted bitch or anything but it was just strange that i didn't cry at all. not a single tear. i'm sad very much indeed but somehow death seems like a much better choice for her seeing what she was going thru. when i saw everyone crying, i felt like telling everyone to stop. i suppose there's not much anyone can do no matter how much they cry.. its krishna'a plan and we just have to accept it. it felt better that at least one of my cousin bro-in-law agreed with me.

my only regret is that i never really was there for her when she needed me. i was so caught up with everything else that it somehow didn't occur to me to see her despite my mom's constant pounding. and by the time i saw her, she was almost gone. not even concsious for her to hear anything i wanted to say. and for that last 20 mins of her life, i prayed to krishna for it to be as painless it as can be. for Him to release her soul, pure and unblemished.

i've had most of my childhood years spent with her and i've grown up hearing how she regards me as her favourite grandchild. she loved me alot and treated me like a princess.. she gave me everything i wanted.. there will be moments of sadness and i'm sure i'll really miss her. but this world was never a good place to start with and hopefully, she's somewhere better now. HareKrishna!


paati, i really love you and maybe, i'll see you when the time comes..till then..

desmond said today,

"The best way to hurt a guy is to give him hope."

I've been thinking a lot abt how i've been so disturbed this sem. it started differently such that this time, i was happier than last august. But things happen very unexpectedly and you just feel so affected even when you try not to. i feel guilty for not praying as much as i would have wished. its just that when u dun pray often, you feel seperated from God and that sucks. Right now, I wish I could say like so many things but i noe if i do, there'll be way too many consequences and i think i'm not ready for them.

i've made mistakes in the past and i thought i learnt from them. how not to be so proud, so full of myself and so egoistic. but right now, i'm feeling exactly as in the past. it feels so helpless. i dunno wat i need in my life right now.. so as the day goes by, i'm just trying to find whatever i'm missing..





ps. i watched boys after a really long time cuz my sister played it despite me screaming at her not to. siddharth is like the cutest guy ever (besides johnny). i just kept smiling from frame to frame cuz he looked so good whether he was clean, dirty or simply running nude. it was good that my mum wasn't around. and apparently he's like tamil speaking indian. i noe that doesn't matter to me but who would have guessed rite.. plus, he just got divorced..siddharth, want to marry me?

i've realised how my blog posts seem to be getting shorter and shorter. well, there's really very little going on and if i keep whining about school, i think i'll just depress myself. so, before i start complaining again, let me talk about open house..

personally, i think ntu open house was like damn crappy this year compared to last.. i mean the goodie bag had like 6 miserable stuff. but i guess, ntu never really was very hip or anything. the prospects looked pretty strange, and i kept wondering why i would want them in school.. oops. haha.. i was in the external bus group shuttling between boon lay and ntu like a million times until i just so hated bus trips. met some highly interesting individuals who were my fellow ambassadors. esp this guy called steve who was my partner. i mean, he's like really different from the so many other guys in school. for one, he's vegeterian which is great. he's also like so mature and has a much deeper thinking then those jerks around school. its good to meet such people at times as it reminds you that good people still exist.

i managed to earn 77 bucks for yesterday which is pretty good since i never really expected anything for helping out in open house. overall, its not a bad experience and i intend do do it again next year=)

i have accting meeting tmr and it sucks cuz its my free day. ob meeting on tue and maybe wed? creative writing due soon and i want to review it again even though i did it like some time ago. i have not done most of my hmwk and hopefully i can get it done by tmr. my frens keeping calling me out and i keep telling them next week.. but like the next week seems to never come. haiz.. there's also cc girls com this week and i'll have to think about whether i want to go.. not very interested though, esp with all this workload..

oh forgot to mention, CS100 was great. for once my studying paid off, even though i din study as crazy as for the other tests.

stupid kok reminded me of my single status again. urghz...

and as if 10% of my accounting grade wasn't enough.. now its another 20% of stats.

-disappointed-

i have no idea where my recess week went.. never left my house except for school.. its been days of mugging and trying to catch up on some sleep.. this week, i'll have stats and comms quiz.. accting project.. open house.. creative thinking and ob meetings to keep me company.. u can surely sense the excitement.. i haven't said no to going out as many times as last week.. i rmb saying some weeks back that i needed to get thru that week.. seems like i've to accept that its gonna be like that for some time now..



"Fear not what is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed.”-Bhagavad Gita