Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose, you can’t have everything
Don’t you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain; cuz Love won’t set you free

I could stand by the side
Watch this life pass me by
So unhappy, but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
And my feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I’m just trying to be
HAPPY (Just wanna be Happy)

Holding on tightly, just can’t let it go
Just trying to play my roll, slowly disappear
And all these days they feel like they’re the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here

I could stand by the side
Watch this life pass me by
Pass me by

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
And my feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I’m just trying to be
HAPPY (Just wanna be Happy)

So many turns that I can’t See
Like I’m a stranger on this road
Don’t say Victim, don’t Say Anything

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
And my feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I’m just trying to be
HAPPY (Just wanna be Happy)

Studying can bring you to such depressive state, especially when you lock yourself in your room for days coming out for toilet breaks or football games. There are a million emotions that I'm feeling and even as I type this, my mind is switching from one though to another, the only similarity being that they are all nothing cheery. There's a feeling of loss in the life decisions I've made, how I've chosen to act to people and how I let me betray myself. I haven't been spending much time praying these days and it has surely affected my mood. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things but I don't have the courage to stand up for what I believe. I tell myself that maybe this time next year, I'll set my life straight but years have gone and I'm still in the same place I was three years ago. It is almost like a turning point now and I need to be brave. I need to believe and do what's right.

I cannot believe I still haven't started studying. Watched tons of project runway and antm today. Sometimes I wish I was taller so that maybe I could try be a model, not here but in US. I'm not saying I'm pretty or anything (I know I'm only average) but a high fashion model doesn't really need to be pretty, just good bone structure and long neck. I'll be an Ariana Lima!

I think I should have posted something about school ending and all but I don't know why I haven't gotten to it earlier. Anyways, yeah, this is it. 311 last Thursday marked the end of my studying life.. Well technically at least, since I ponned advanced tax after that. Now I'm feeling kinda lost since I don't know what to do with my time. Studying for 1 core in 2 weeks and 1 elective in 6 days is not that taxing. And I'm hoping I don't go out everyday because I'm going broke and my trips need a lot of $$$. I'm making a shout to anyone who wants to sponsor me! I can sing, dance and shake a bit. Okay I admit, I can't do any of it. damn.

Before I think about making merry, I have to get over this final step.Its been a great 3 years and I promise to write a whole post exclusively to my ntu life once it is officially over. But right now, I'm just disturbed with myself. There's a feeling that I've been living a lie all my life. Deep down, I know there are some values and principles that I need to hold on to. But, anyone who knows me would probably never identify me with such values. It's a pity really since I think I'm much more on the inside. This all seems so confusing.

Trippin out
Spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down

I'm freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now, oh oh

I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, I won't cry

I found myself in Wonderland
Get back on my feet, on the ground
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end

I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, I won't cry

I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, and I won't cry