I've been procrastinating from writing this post, probably because I've had too many thoughts and I don't know what I should say and what I shouldn't. I was even contemplating privating this entry because I was thinking of being honest and frank about what everything's been like. But for some reason, I want to share this.

The start wasn't all too great. I knew coming in that I wasn't probably gonna enjoy it. Didn't know anybody, miserable without my friends and hated that people were a lot different from what I was used to. Knowing that I probably made it by some miracle from above (thanks Lord!), the only thought in my mind was to study damn hard and try to keep up with the rest. In fact, I was already prepared to spend three years walking alone for lessons without any friends. I don't know why I was sure I wouldn't enjoy school.

Thankfully, nothing happened as expected.

I remember the very first time during the Welcome Day. I honestly wanted to cry because it felt so strange sitting in a circle not knowing what to say to anybody. First impressions can be so deceiving but for that moment, that was all I had of everyone. The raffles and hwa chongs all probably knew each other and it was like kind of an immediate dislike. There were the really noisy ones and the snobby looking ones. As you can tell, I'm rarely ever positive in my judgement of new people. I found a new but awkward friendship with chewy and sok fang-awkward because both of you seemed like nice people, quite unlike me. For the next 3months, it was a slow and sometimes painful process of getting to know the rest in my class. Cliques were quick to form and I didn't really feel close to anyone in particular. I remember the countless times I used to complain to my friends outside about how everyone was just friendly and sometimes a little pretentious looking on the surface. And of course, the fact that no one was bitchy. lol... What I didn't realise was how everyone was probably trying to get through the same arduous task of making friends, something that we easily take for granted. It definitely helped to have a class because there was some sort of a support system. I'm not sure if everyone did enjoy each other's company but at least, there was someone around. But even then, I doubt I really enjoyed my first year. I was hanging on to so much of my past that I was struggling to let my guard down. I quite regret certain decisions I made during that year, lost opportunities and all but I really had to move on.

While we started bidding for modules, obviously we knew that we all weren't going to be together. When sf and me got all our classes together, we decided to just split from the "class" and meet more people. The fact that we only had each other actually quite made us closer. I starting knowing sok fang on a more personal level and was amazed at the kind of person she was. Independent, beautiful, matured but still super feisty! Just the way I like! And what to say about the stick thin 2D figure that I absolutely detested in econs class who also ended up having the same classes as sf and me. Stanley Chin Jingxi!!! as I mentioned earlier, I'm horrible with judging people by first impressions. During the times we were lonely without chewy, jingxi provided us with entertainment, sometimes unwillingly. Stan's the kind of guy you hardly come across, either you love him or hate him. I could honestly say that that was one of the best seems in my three years. I (and I believe I can speak for sf as well) dearly miss him and we'll come see you soon!=)

At some point of time, sf and I got separated because of her public admin modules. I was back with my "class", which by now had broken into smaller cliques with many going their separate ways. There I was again, trying to form the friendships that I almost gave up on the previous year. Doing projects definitely helps because you get to spend time with people. Rarely did we do projects without having some fun along the way. Of course, there were frustrating times but with friends, you try not to get angry. Of course, I need to mention my tax class because it was there that I decided on what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

This seems to be the time I need to probably mention this girl, who I probably didn't know much about before but oh, what one sem together does! CHONG QIURONG! I was always neutral about her because she was so quiet, I couldn't really figure who or what she was. I just thought I couldn't probably fit with her because we were too different. With everyone gone for exchange, we ended up having all our lessons together, well almost all. It started out slowly and when you face one person for 3 months straight, things can change. I discovered how full of crap she is and pretty funny after all. and definitely not quiet! I'm glad for those times because I honestly thankful for having her as my friend.

The very last sem was probably one that I had hoped would be a relaxing one. I was hoping to reminisce my school days and enjoy my last months as a student. Unfortunately, the stress of jianming was all it took to ruin everything. Well, I still did try to keep my spirits up. My 311 group deserves special mention because they made a 4hour lesson all the more bearable. And I'm also glad for the friendships forged.

And of course, grad trip! After months of planning with rong, finally 8 girls boldly went to Aussie and survived! Haha.. There were so many moments, so much emotions. Spending 17 days together is no easy feat. Everyone had their own highs and lows. For me, the lack of personal space definitely affected my mood and I apologise on hindsight. I want to thank everyone for bearing with each other and making compromises for the sake of us all. Despite knowing each other for 3 years, it was really different people that we saw on the trip. It was really fun travelling with you girls and I'll remember all the crazy things we did. our mehmehs, freezing in blue mountains and white waterworld, overdressing in philip island, riding the CLAW and of course, our craze with taking pictures. ALL YOU CAMWHORES!

And so it seems that the time has come for us to move on with the next stage of our lives. Its kinda bittersweet and I really don't know what else to say. I suppose we'll all still be near each other. For now, it's just yati and me. To those coming to ey, I'm waiting with excitement to have lunch with you all. To the rest, WHY NEVER COME EY!!! lol. I really hope that we will take the time to remember each other every now and then. Let's try to find some time away from work/bf/gf* to meet! And maybe we'll be close enough that chewy will invite us for her wedding and housewarming! =D

*delete where applicable

My mood's been down since I realised that I'm getting fat. While I cannot see it in the mirror, my skirts feel a lot tighter. I've always told my friends, "If I get fat, I'll kill myself!" People think I'm joking but I don't know how to put it to them how much it means for me to stay thin. I know how it feels to be fat and I vowed never to go back there again.

I've started picking up kick boxing and have been doing Jillian Micheal's fitness workout. It's probably the most demanding workout I've ever done. I would rather run 10km then do her workout if I could. But I've got to lose the 3kg and I've got to lose it fast. Just wish there wasn't work to keep me busy. Talking about work, happens that it's my department's peak now and so I've got to wait before they train me proper. For now, I'm just reading and trying to pick up things along the way. I realised, I really have no life.

do you believe in fate?

well, would very much like to.

I'm glad to finally sit at one place and write this. Travelling is not easy shit. Grad trip with uni friends was definitely one to remember- for both the good and bad reasons. Travelling with all girls really displayed the weaker side of us- being indecisive, dependent and un-opinionated. Everyone had their fair share of it but somehow we were all in a position where we had to step in at different times in the trip to take the lead and make decisions. For me personally, my need for "me-time" kicked in every now and then and I took to the streets myself on some days. Though that's really uncool of me, I think I had to get some breathing space and explore places in a way that I wanted- experiencing a fresh saturday morning in the shoes of an Aussie. I applaud the girls for always taking care of each other and holding everything together despite our disappointments. There were many times when we were either lost without knowing that we were or reached a place after the closing time (after having driven for hours) but everyone was somewhat gracious and didn't put blame on anybody. We were matured and that really made the trip enjoyable. It seems we all now have our own paths to take and we really wonder when we'll ever get to see each other as we did in the trip. Maybe we never will get the chance but I'm still thankful for having seen a different side of everyone and for the moments that we've had.

HK was also pretty good but probably a lot more tiring since I went to Macau and China as well. I wish I had gone there when I was a little younger since most of the Korean/Taiwan fashion seems a little young for me now. I was really wondering what the whole H&M craze was about and I think I got it once I entered the shop. It's like a mix between F21 and New Look. It was so crowded that I couldn't get myself to queue to try clothes. Just got a lot of accessories and bikinis that din need any trying. But yes, it was really cheap. I spent over 300 sgd on Lush and I'm not even feeling bad about it. Macau was very pretty with all the casinos, especially Venetian. However, it was the churches and portugese influence that really interested me. That being said, the sun was scorching so mercilessly that we didn't do much sight seeing. Oh yes, I lost money in the casinos. My credit was finishing damn fast for reasons that I'm not even sure of. Oh yes, must also thank sheng for walking around with me despite all the clothes being for females and his aunty for being a super awesome host. Next time, must go in winter!