and I'll wear my pearls

I grew up a model child - passionate, smart, a leader and achiever. But at some point, I got exhausted. I wanted a change and thought the best way to do it is simply by not do anything. It did work for me. I slacked through most of my post secondary education till graduation. There were times when I did show signs of my old self, be it taking up the mantle to lead or putting my best foot forward to impress. I did enjoy such smaller roles which I took on without overwhelming myself. And as I was about to leave school for the last time, I thought again about whether I'm going to take up a stable job with decent working hours and a clear career prospect or one with many challenges where I had to suck it up and fight for myself. I chose the former. I've never really questioned my decision since then but now, the past keeps haunting me. I love tax, it was my most enjoyable module and my teacher's passion inspired me to choose a career in it. Working in a big 4 was an obvious choice. I started work enthusiastically and since I was not sure what to expect, I took everything that came my way. My team feels warm and helpful. The start has been meaningful but slow. The big 4 works such that you start doing simple jobs and the manager assesses your capabilities and decides if you are ready for new challenges. Well, that looks nice when someone says it to you but I realise things can be complicated. And you are faced with the same question yet again - stable job or a new challenge. There's always the thought that if I stay, I know I'll be doomed to a life devoid of anything social. I'm not saying there's no work life balance - there is. I am able to leave at 5.30 sharp when I am not busy. It's more that this field means that I will probably not meet different kinds of people and I'll be stuck with the same things. I don't want to die alone and I know if I stay here, I probably will. I think that's a waste since I'm not socially inadequate, maybe just a little undeserving. I come to feel maybe I'm not that conservative in my thinking and maybe I'm not at the right place. It's still early and so I have to take a chance.

A quote from Srila Prabupada:

Lecture on BG 2.55-56 -- New York, April 19, 1966: So the whole perfection, whole perfection is that we are all active in some department. That is a fact. Now, if our activities become dovetailed with the supreme desire and He is satisfied, then saṁsiddhi, that is our perfection. Svanuṣṭhitasya dharmasya saṁsiddhir hari-toṣaṇam [SB 1.2.13]. A very nice... Svanuṣṭhitasya dharmasya saṁsiddhir hari-toṣaṇam. Everyone is engaged in some sort of occupation, a particular type of occupation. Nobody's free from occupation. Everyone. But what is the perfection of that occupation? Now, saṁsiddhir hari-toṣaṇam [SB 1.2.13]. If by that activity the Lord is satisfied, that is perfection. If by my eating, the Lord is satisfied, then that is my perfection. If by, by my fighting the Lord is satisfied, then that is my perfection. So every sphere of life, we have to know whether Lord is satisfied. That's all right. That technique we have to learn. Otherwise, it is as easy as anything. We have to stop creating our own thoughts and own plans. We have to take the plans, perfect plan, from the Supreme Lord, and then execute it. Then that becomes the perfection of our life.