i know this is wrong. i know i shouldn't be doing this. but sometimes, when just a glimmer of hope lingers, you start wondering. maybe it might happen..

I like,
Where we are,
When we drive,
In your car.
I like,
Where we are;
Here.

Cause our lips,
Can touch,
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Our lips,
Can touch;
Here.


[Chorus]

Where you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.



I like,
Where you sleep,
When you sleep,
Next to me.
I like,
Where you sleep;
Here.


Our lips,
Can touch,
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Cause our lips,
Can touch;
Here.



[Chorus]

Our lips,
Can touch.
Our lips,
Can touch;
Here.



Where you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I’ve missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your...



Where you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers “Hello, I miss you quite terribly.''
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Here in your arms
Here in your arms

feel a sudden loss now that i've quit my job. yeah, i did.

though i really hated the job because of the whole idea of going around selling tickets, I guess I did appreciate it in some ways. I mean, suddenly having the ability to talk to a total stranger and just exchange friendly smiles, thats a whole new part of me that i discovered. But i suppose doing a sales and direct marketing sort of job isn't my piece of cake. i tried to improve my performance day after day but i just felt like i hit a new low everytime.

went to see big boss to tell him i was going to quit. dun ask me why, but the pressure of the job just made me cry. in fact, this job has made me pms so much that i have pissed off so many of my frens.. big boss said i was having too many negative thoughts in my head and that i was too egoistic. that i had to humble myself in order to learn. i sorta have to agree with him on the last part abt being egoistic. its my charcter, it has always been such and to suddenly change is way too drastic for me. also, having a bit of ego helps me maintain my dignity. but, i suppose i do have to learn to be more humble. i'll leave this whole topic on humbleness for another day cuz i have quite a bit to say abt that.

big boss told me to try just one more week, but i seriously had had enough. i mean, i was the girl who wanted to quit after day 1 but was convinced to stay for a week. friday was my last working day. by then, i had no more passion, no motivation, no desire. i was simply like a piece of log wandering around aimlessly to sell the tix. dismal perfomance to end my career there but what the heck. i did feel slightly guilty but i had already passed my satuaration limit. JE asked if i wanted to work on sat only so maybe at least make some cash. but i just din have any juice left(if you dun get what i mean, its ok ).. so quit totally instead of changing to part time or anything else.

i kinda feel very sad because the ppl there were really really great. its hard to find ppl who could be so friendly and helpful. they dun really backstab or judge. was like a big happy family. so, its a bit sad to see that all these have to come to an end now that the job is gone. gonna miss JE, she was like my sister-in-crime. Dawn, simply cuz she was an extremely wonderful trainer and a great fren. SM, the uncle killer with overflowing cuteness. yup, everyone else too.. too many to name..=)

so what lies ahead for me? I'm not sure myself. should try finding another job, at least to support myself for the next few months.

work sucks. i hate my job and i feel like just quitting. thing is, i still wan some cash. so, until i get a proper income, i have to continue doing this. actually, i'm right now working at some marketing and advertising company. sounds fun rite. truth is, its just bullshit beneath all the glam. 6 days of work for a miserly pay. fuck, why am i wasting my life like that.

got a call for a tuition offer. at a tuition centre. thats like pretty cool thinking only teachers teach in tuition centres. went for some interview today. hope i get this job, then at least i can do the other one part time.

ha, just a note abt the job i'm doing right now. its quite interesting, suddenly being able to talk to just abt anyone one the streets. but most of the ppl who help me seem to be the young guys. kinda funny cuz some like just help when i smile at them, even though my pitching was super crap. i mean, its harder to concentrate on pitching properly when a cute guy is standing right in front of you, looking into your eyes. worst still, when they are shirtless. haha.. aiy! if only i could just stop working at that min and keep talking to the guy. ah, i really wish!!=D

people, as in colleagues are all pretty nice too.. all either my age or younger. somehow, i seem to be able to connect with almost everyone. i've always thought that is an impossible task. hah, somehow, work is made slightly better with them. doing cheers and having team nights.. quite cool..

their putting sweet november on channel 5 right now. i dun wan to watch it fully cuz i'll start crying for sure. very much cliche, but so wat! its still super sweet. catch it if u haven't!

yay! i got a job. ok, shall not comment on it first. see how it goes..

Ooh

Ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh



From the minute that you got my attention

I was taken and I have to mention

I was trying not to let it show

But I knew that I wasn't gonna let you go

From the way that you came right to me

Looking all hot with the style that threw me

No one would've ever known it

You would be the one who take this heart and hold it



You got that extraordinary way

Got to be next to ya every single day

You do something that I just can't explain

Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me



Boy, I love you so

Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

Yeah

Do you know it

Boy, I love you so

Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

I just want you to know



You can say anything you want to

No stress 'cause I understand you

We got a vibe you can't define

Want everyone know that boy is mine

We won't fight and stop and stare at the way you hold me

You take me there at times

I feel I lose control

Forget everyone but the hand I'm holding



You got that extraordinary way

Got to be next to ya every single day

You do something that I just can't explain

Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me



Boy, I love you so

Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

Yeah

Can you feel it

Boy, I love you so

Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

I just want you to know



Please know this

I'll always be right here

And you don't have to look

Nowhere else babe

Don't think for a minute

This love will change

Oh you should know that



Boy, I love you so

Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

Yeah

Can you feel it

Boy, I love you so

Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

I just want you to know



Boy, I love you so

Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

Yeah

Can you feel it

Boy, I love you so

Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

I just want you to know

had to get quite a few things done these few days. a string of bad luck as well. not going to talk abt it.

but yeah, i'm having loads of stuff to do in NP right now. beginning of year and so need to get alot of planning done. major revamp to take place soon. kinda excited to see how the unit is going to react to the changes. years of the CIs trying to do something and at last, we have reached a decent understanding with officers and the school. i hope the school cooperates on the long run. we'll have to wait and see..

now, i'm really disturbed. is wentworth miller gay?? it kinda would seem like it since hot guys are often gay. but if this is true, it will be a serious blow to all females worldwide. you see a guy on tv who is sooo bloody hot and guess wat, he's GAY! and that would mean, u cannot dream abt him because there will be no hope of him sleeping beside you when you wake up the next morning!(even if it is a dream!!!) Arrgh!!

so, girls, dun deprive that hottie who's smiling at you from the corner of the bar. just hook up and make out!! because at least then, he wouldn't develop gay tendencies... you can feel proud and saving the man for another girl..







ps. my moral values have not deserted me, though this entry quite makes it look like it. you can choose to disagree, but i don't care!

pretty frustrated right now. tried applying for jobs but it just starts becoming more and more disturbing as I browse through job listings. I see this phrase more than any other phrase: Bilingual in English and Chinese. Its really starting to annoy me. Even though the problem has been here like forever, I think not much is being done about it. I totally understand why such a preference would be required, esp in the case where communication with the older generation would be concerned. So, I'm not talking abt jobs such as customer service and human resource at the very least. However, I don't understand why a data entry clerk in MNCs would require that! or an admin asst. in a bank. Aren't they all supposed to be fuckin educated!!! The only firms that do employ without such restrictions are the usually more established ones.

I've managed to live without discrimination for the major part of my life. well, its mostly because schools i went to were like that. though i was fuckin bullied in st.marg's, it was because of me, my personality and not because i'm indian! in ac, everybody was racist, well racist to practically everyone else including themselves. so, we shit off each other and laugh about it but no hard feelings at the end of the day.

but i'm no idiot. i noe that the world out there isn't like ac or st.marg's. just going home everyday after school gives me a good picture of what i am to face in the near future. Young heartlanders. Its really hard to find ppl who speak english on a regular basis. i noe its because of their culture and the way they were brought up. But at some point, I believe they should understand that the world doesn't only constitute of chinese and that they should fucking learn how to speak good english. sometimes, i think its the govt's fault. Why the heck do we need the Speak Mandarin Campaign when all i hear is chinese when i'm out of school! the only ppl who need such campaigns are the ACS boys. and i can totally understand why. Maybe getting students and teachers to start speaking english in neighbourhood schools might actually work better than that Speak Good English Campaign.

i'm glad i went to ac.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

i'm happy. i know, kind of a big diff from the last time when i was nearly dead bottom. but, yeah, managed to get most of my work done. banners finished by tmr, i managed to design the souvenir and lsb's response was most satisfactory (wat a BIG surprise!!!)=D and tried to find more inspiration! okay, haven't really found the right inspiration but i'm definitely getting somewhere. maybe i should consider a career in design. or maybe advertising! hmm..

been thinking abt my future lately. all the girl talk and stuff.. it makes me sooo scared to think of what i might become in 10 years. well, i could be
1) happily married to a awfully sweet and charming man
2) a big time career women who practically loves her office
3) a happy but unsuccessful women with a daily 9 to 5 job

well, there are actually many other possibilities.. but i'm just too lazy to bother writing them down. but seriously, this is not a good sign. i dun have any idea wat i might do next! i mean, i know what i feel like doing but my minds just so fickle at times. and the choice between a family or a career. man, this sucks.

and so, in 20 years time, i could be either
a) a still happily married women with no kids( cuz i dun wan any!) but a still totally gorgeous husband
OR
b)a depressed and lonely women who has been left on the shelves for sooo long that she only has her cats for company

ha. the second one will be totally hilarious actually. but pretty sad.=( and so, wat will miss praveena naidu be in the future? guess we just have to wait and see.

i'm dying. things around me are becoming too overwhelming.

*need strength

just did an EQ test but suddenly the whole thing went blank. basket. wasted so much time for nothing. and yes, i'm buying lacy panties tomorrow!! YAY!!!




Something About You

I could talk to you for days
YOu make me laugh one thousand ways
Not realising (you for me)
Like hot water (and my tea cup)

I'm enchanted by your smile
I must admit took a while
For me to see that (this was something)
More than (he's my friend, it's nothing)

I hope to God, you feel the way I feel
Cause this could be amazing
Something so super real

There's something about you
And you don't even know it
I'm telling you know that you got me good
There's something about you
And I can't help but show it
Damn it you got me good
Now I'm not alone
With you I'm home, I've gotta let you know
You got me good

Your style your voive your pints of view
The good the bad and ugly too
Boy I'll take it (give it to me)
I'll be careful (give it to me)

Addiction don't dome close to this
Official is what this sh- is
Still I can't say
No I can't say that (I'm in love)

I hope to God, you feel the way I feel
Cause this could be amazing
Something so super real

There's something about you
And you don't even know it
I'm telling you know that you got me good
There's something about you
And I can't help but show it
Damn it you got me good
Now I'm not alone
With you I'm home, I've gotta let you know
You got me good

I just wanna
Be your all and all
I just wanna be the one to make you fall
I wanna take you away
I want you to be with me
I want you here with me forever
Be my holliday

Let me take you away
There's something about you

There's something about you
And you don't even know it
I'm telling you know that you got me good
There's something about you
And I can't help but show it
Damn it you got me good
Now I'm not alone
With you I'm home, I've gotta let you know
You got me good

You Are Lacy Panties

You're one seductive chica, but you've also got a ton of class. You are like a pinup girl, with timeless beauty and sexiness. Men are afraid to talk to you, knowing they'll be addicted to your charm immediately. Only a true manly man, confident in himself, is your perfect match.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Your Reputation Is: Mean Girl

You rule through teasing and intimidation.. Yet, people would give the world to be your friend

What's Your Reputation?

You Are 61% Bitchy

While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood. And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong!

How Bitchy Are You?

You Are Atena!

Wise beyond your years. You're smart and have a great desire to succeed. And with your determination, you'll get your wish. Just make sure to fight your stubborn streak!

What Goddess Are You?

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snob?

Your Geek Profile:

Academic Geekiness: Low Fashion Geekiness: Low Gamer Geekiness: Low Geekiness in Love: Low General Geekiness: Low Internet Geekiness: Low Movie Geekiness: Low Music Geekiness: Low SciFi Geekiness: Low

How Geeky Are You?

You Should Rule Mars

Mars is a planet that shines brightly and loops wildly around the solar system. You are perfect to rule Mars, because you are both energetic and independent. Like Mars, you seems attractive and bright to others - but you're difficult to pin down. You are a great thinker, but you only think in the present and ignore the future. Full of enthusiasm and inspiration, you are into your own thing... and rather insensitive to others.

What Planet Should You Rule?

You Are 59% Grown Up, 41% Kid

You've grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you're emotionally mature. You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

Your Birthdate: December 3

You are certain and confident when you choose to love someone. Even though your romantic choices may be unconventional - you stand behind them. Your friends never know you as well as a romantic partner does. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5 You are most compatible with people born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, and 30th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

What Type of Beauty Are You?

You Were Nice This Year

You Were 30% Naughty, 70% Nice Okay, so you weren't *entirely* nice this year But Santa doesn't expect a modern girl to be perfect You were good enough - and you'll be rewarded for it

How Naughty (Or Nice) Were You This Year?

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Paris Hilton

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

Fucking fucking porn sites!! i'm getting pissed off right now! they keep popping up..and now there are whole new websites to block. so annoying.. and no, i'm not a sick porn-watcher!

kinda a lot of things i have to do right now.. need to confirm on teaching, think of t-shirt design, banner, orientaion, my date with my babes plus COOKING!!! yeah.. was supposed to cook today, but my parents went to m'sia. so guess, maybe like next week.

i'm think i'm going to get sick. had coffee, a drink and small popcorn chicken for the whole day and i'm still going on fine.. my stomach's being making too much noise...its terrible. well, only consolation is that my stomach's still flat. and i'm admiring it too much in the mirror..kinda freaky actually.

watched "must love dogs". good movie, but no cute guy.

4 days for some family chalet. i was totally sulky at the start.. i mean, what the heck was i supposed to do for 4 fuckin days with them?? some time at the beach and bicycle and playing random games.. but oh well, din turn out too bad in the end.. and i got fed like hell! might have just gained a few kilos. should get back to my running.. sorta getting lazy after exams. with all those partying and stuff..

oh yeah, and prom. was great.. went to harry's for a while after that. forgot my keys, so couldn't stay out too late. and my pics are frustrating.. i should learn to smile properly.. or maybe some photoshop will make the difference..=)

went with jp to apply for teaching in st.margs.. met mr anthony.. damn shocking cuz i really din know what to tell him..just asked me abt a's and stuff.. ha.. he still makes me feel stupid, like always.. damn, when will i learn! the apllication was just this stupid piece of paper. just had to complete it and we were done. so much for thinking we were going to meet the prinicipal and do some interview or whatsoever else.

need to get a nice top.. for et's wedding.. i've thought of the bottoms, but the top i was trying to match it with sort of died. stuff coming out of it.. quite a pity cuz i hadn't used it much. and i need a lot of clothes.. for next year too.. wish i had more cash on hand.. spent everything on clothes, movies and food already. sigh..

on a happier note, i've lost 3 kg!! yay!! yay!! for the first time in 7 years, i weigh less than 50kg. need to reach my target 45. but somehow, i can't see where i lost, considering the fact i'm staring at my body for hours thinking how fat i'll look in a bikini. bikinis are freaking ex anyway.. so, shouldn't even think about it for the time being.

i've been so caught up with enjoying the post exams that i haven't touched this for quite a while.. my com died on me as well.. anyway, exams were okay..anything..whatever.. you get the point.. we'll just wait till march to see wat happens huh..

been out like everyday since exam finished.. cathay on thursday.. joogal's house on friday.. date with my dear babe on sat.. np meeting on sunday.. shopping and doing my hair today.. was supposed to prepare a meal for my family tomorrow.. but a bit lazy lah.. well, i'll leave it to wed maybe..

joogal's house is fucking cool!! 3000 dollars carpets.. wine bar..wine chiller.. his decor was ultra cool.. omg..that is life.. just gives me more reasons why i shouldn't have children.. watched Team America(i know!) and city of god.. the latter was really good.. really touching..especially since it was based on a true story.. the way people are killed as if they are worth nothing seems so cruel and inhumane.. but maybe, its the only way that those kids know how to live.. can we blame them??

CASINO ROYALE is really really good!! daniel craig is hot.period. and the movie was like the best bond movie i've seen in decades. pierce brosnan..well, a pretty boy. craig is real bad ass with the coolness that makes him so likeable..I LOVE DANIEL CRAIG!

did my hair today.. colour and highlight. some copper and reddish brown..looks quite alright.. a bit ex though, since it was at reds.. also bought my prom dress.. i love it! its not typical prom dress but its nice.. a mix of blue and purple..and also my shoes..to match my dress.. ha..i'm sooo happy!=)

my eyes are dying watching prison break.. its freaking good.. 1 whole season in 2 days! but its worth it. i'm hoping desperate housewives season 3 gets back to channel 5.. not that i dun know the story but nothing beats watching it on tv rite.. okay, i'm gonna get back to prison break.. and nip/tuck later!! off to my tvland!=P

TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY!!!

all that i can give..

just a few days of school left. 2 years went by just like that. better start taking pictures..

din go to school today. din feel like anyway. everything just seems the same. dun see the point in anything. i've never felt so unprepared before. 4 weeks to the day but i'm still wondering wat went wrong. sigh.

on a slightly happier note, i think the guy in evanescence's call me when you're sober video is sooo bloody hot. just looks too good to be true. CHECK HIM OUT!

3 weeks of school left. damn sian.. results were like crap.. worst than ever.. EEOO. DDDC(after moderation). din expect this.. i guess i was just a little complacent. haiz.. i thought i did my best. seriously, i dunno where i'm heading anymore. no point thinking of anything with decent grades. better get my ass back to studying...

last day of exams!! woohoo!! ha, truth is, i've started celbrating on friday itself. its only chem paper 1 today and we noe wat to expect. so yeah, din bother.. going to geylang after that to find charleston a china women.. ok.. just kidding. but yah, to eat and maybe before that a movie?? i don't know.. see how lah.

i have to write abt this. MATHS PAPER 2!!! just these three words(well, 2 words and a number) would be enough to cause the most horriblest of horriblest sort of nightmares!! AAAAHhHhHHHhh!!! three hours of staring at the paper, wondering if this was really maths. its brought excruciating pain. oh, how sadistic of the teachers.. how could they!!!

.....

ok i feel better now.. better get ready for school..

Shayne Ward-No Promises

its such a sweet but sad video.. and he's hot!!

very very bad week. fucking exams! ...

played captain's ball today. finnally found my true calling! haha.. should start a career as a (goal catcher!)or watever you call the person who catched the ball. and everyone should seriously stop laughing at me. grrhh.. and someone should tell eugene chua that playing captain's ball is much more FUN then learning basketball!!

HAPPY RACIAL HARMONY DAY!

was like bloody dead in ac. i think the only thing that happened was this message that was read during assembly.. and i slept thru it. anyway, i guess the day doen't really matter. afterall, its wats inside that matters. i've got pretty interesting frens. pretty "racist" as well.. joking abt each other..stereotyping others.. yuesheng,alvinkok,ziyi,kws,jingping,xt and yiren. all guilty of it!! oh yes, not forgetting the "lovable" KINNY!! ha.. dear only to jp.. in a way, it helped us bond.. yes, the irony that racism helped to bond the class.. at the end of the day, they dun mean anything, so its really fun.. jacking each other and laughing because of the look on the face of the person who is being jacked. oh well.. something i'll miss.. and something i'll remember...

got it from athena's blog.. hmm.. rather interesting..

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Acts of Service
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Acts of Service:		10
Quality Time:		8
Physical Touch:		7
Receiving Gifts:		2
Words of Affirmation:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

a sucky sucky day! bio tutorial got the shit out of me. no food during recess cuz of the massive queues. contacts popped out of my eye again. two periods of giving toh the cannot-be-bothered look. bad. just bad.

i dunno what to write. as in, i have a lot to say but i can't really put it all into words. or sometimes, i just force myself to shut up. the pressure's building. ppl are starting to break. i feel kinda helpless. sorta understand but a lot of things just seem out of my hand. sometimes, i wish i could just be God and change everything(sorry God!). sighz.

27 days. YES I NOE! CAN YOU JUST STOP THAT!! i've got it yah! just pisses me off to see evry teacher saying the same old shit. can't they not see that it's getting into us! aarrggh!! anyway, i've very little time for a lot of stuff and i dunno wat i'm gonna do. i'm stuck onto desperate housewives right now. 11 episodes in one day! nearly died. oh well.. my fault!

watched POC 2 with athena dearest the other day. had a great time.. just mushing over the cute johnny.. but it was really sick.. no seafood for the next one month. ha..must catch the 3rd one.. stupid jam. that bad taste women! bloom over johnny! oh gosh!! wats with that.. oh well, maybe that's why she's so bloody screwed up(literally).

want to watch the lake house. seems like some very sappy love story but think i really need to cry.

what if you found the one you were meant to be with..

but you lived two years apart..

MY BLOG DESERVES BETTER!

okay, my fault. haven't had any motivation to write. CONGRATS TO ITALY-WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS 2006!! yeah, wasn't very happy wif the result. it should have been zizou's day.sigh. at least its over now. luckily haven't been having withdrawal symthoms. just glad that i can start some serious revsion now. prelims a month away. and i have so much on my mind. how??

29TH JUNE!!!

can't wait to see my darlings. silent hill?? stupid jam. still need to catch pirates of the carribean. JOHNNY DEPP!! aaAaaaaHhh!! he's like bloody hot. *droolz* i'll ask athena if she wants to go.=) it'll be so fun.. and we'll associate jam with anything dumb in the movie. i love my babes!

anyway, school's started. damn sian. somehow i never missed the canteen food. or maybe i just seem to be losing my appetite..(well, not when it comes to venezia. ate three scoops in one day!) calvin got sick n got pink slip. ha..wat a conincidence, rite after ET's lesson. and there goes all the teachers trying to five us pep talk and ranting abt how there is only 6 weeks left to prelims. yes. we noe.

guess i'm really feeling the heat now. hols din go as planned. partyed too much at the start. my fault. screw it. i feel sort of aimless rite now. i'm not going to become a doctor or a scientist or anything in the science field. so wat the heck am i doing taking triple science and trying to score my 4As.. its pointless. evryone seems to be painting a picture of a bleak future. evryone, except pat sum. oh well.

you noe, all the little dreams and fantasies that you had when you were young(and still do)? its kinda sad that none of my rainbow dreams will ever come true. no tiara, no handsome prince, no snow castles, no super rich dad.. ha..ok tt was lame. i'm just lamenting. and also, how our parents never support what you wanna do. deep down, i still wanna be a pilot or an air stewardess or an executive in a hotel. too bad my mum starts quarreling once i bring up the topic. guess i should just study hard and get my place in SMU.

changed my blogskin. yeah.. the old ones picture went missing..so yeah, pink again..

din really blog so much abt atc. considering that it was one of the highlights of this month. having taken all the energy away from me. and maybe the final major event for the year as a CI.

its been a eventful 6 years..

starting out as a terrible cadet that every ma'am of mine hated.. my boo boos..the long unaltered skirt that i wore for my first parade. the police dog unit visit where i was left behind by all my squadmates. and also all the times when i was so frightened of my ma'ams. how they made me do punishment and all the shouting into the ear. seriously apeaking, i was the ultimate loser.

sec2 was better. after learning to adapt, i actually learnt to enjoy the whole thing. even though the punishment din disappear, i began to understand the ma'ams better. i started seeing things from their eyes. putting in more effort, bonding with my squad.. preparing to be NCOs..

sec 3 was truly my best year in NP. the time when i learnt so much of life's important lessons. it din start well. there were ppl who doubted me. ppl who thought i din deserve my vice chair position. there was so much expectations. so much to prove. jam was always there. all the time we spent after school trying to come up with reforms and planning events. and then there was campcraft. truly a blessing since that's when i really got to noe athena. the team persevered. but it wasn't really a team. partly my fault, i accept. but we gave it our best(at least the three of us).

sec 4 was more of the time me athena jam just hung out in NP room, talking, laughing and doing all those shit(rape jam, dance to britney spears, lie flat on the floor and randomnly start crying..and evrything else)..ha..my babes.. i love them..i really do. and yah, we tried to pass on the NCO role to the next batch. their batch was quite screwed from the very start. they had more problems then us. so dun really blame all of them.. just wish some of them had put in more commitment. you start missing something only when its gone. when it was back to concentrating for O's, i realised how much i had taken advantage of NP.. i really missed evrything. no drills, no pt, no campcraft, no fun, no punishment, no parades, no BABES!! that's when ma'am mei moey started talking to me abt being a CI. i thought abt it.. quite alot.. i felt there was a duty of myself to come back and give what i had taken. like the song hymm,

"they reap not where they laboured
we reap what they have sown
our harvest maybe garnered,
by ages yet unknown"

i wanted to do it. but i din want to do it myself. i noe there was ma'am mei moey and saa. but i wasn't really that close to them. it din feel that good to come back myself. i wanted my babes. athena couldn't make for dec i think. and stupid jam screwed me at the last min. just make the decision to go there myself. CIBTC was rather interesting. as in i think the only thing i really learnt from there is to see the bigger picture..i'm not going to bother explain this point. let me see, i think 8 CIs from area 15. (i was the only girl. damn!) gee..anyway, CIBTC was just like the starting point to my CI life.

it was tough. getting into AC and continuing NP. my schedule totally conflicted. had even thought of quitting NP or something. guess must thank ma'am mei moey for being there to always guide me and teach me all i needed to know. she really rocks!=) i wasn't really fond of my juniors but i just learnt more and more as the days passed. i became more mature in the way i led. to see it through their eyes at times and always knowing the rationale behind why i was doing something. in these one and a half years, i gained so much knowledge. and i'm still learning. ATC'05 was like a foundation year for me. just tried to learn from everyone, and see how i could give my input. ATC'06 was more of the time i had to stand up, lead and guide. there weren't many experienced ppl and i felt i had a responsibility. ATC was great. ha.. i feel like writng abt ATC.. everything.. so fun. maybe i'll post a part two to this. gee..haha.

and so its ends. my wonderful 6 years. all the ups and downs. all the times i cried and all the laughter. i guess at the end of the day, it was the passion that kept me going. ppl may not understand. my mum never stopped screaming at me. for spending all my time and energy into NP. abt how i can be doing more meaningful things. about how stupid i am to torture myself. but everything was truly worth it. and i wouldn't have wanted it any other way. it was indeed the time of my life...

ATC's over. nothing else for quite some time i guess. books it is for me. *mixed feelings*


And I'd give up forever to touch you,
'Cause I know that you feel me some how.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am......

WORLD CUP!! yeah.. all the late nites.. damn i'm so dead! ARGENTINA TO WIN THE CUP!!! yes. so proud of them.. their are fantastic this time.. the match against ivory coast was simply superb. fair match but experience was the deciding factor in the end.

not happy rite now.. multiple reasons for that. and i dun wish to talk abt it. so in any case, i better start on that physics hmwk.

ps. i just got some cash!!=) want to buy some nice bag!

first week of hols gonna be over soon. quite satisfied with myself. finished studying half of chem.. but dun think i can progress so much with sch work at this rate. camps, lessons, projects..blablablah... just hope it'll be manageable.

on a happy note, got a new phone. AT LAST!!=)

last week of school. can't wait for it to end.. its just loads of hmwk and pointless lectures..nothing's getting inside right now.. just out of that mode.. ha, lessons were rather eventful today. super pissed with ET.. she seems like she's challenging me. i noe she's probably not liking me anymore. too bad for her then. she's so lazy and annoying. i'm really damn worried. dun see myself going anywhere. i can't suck at chem..considering it was an A1 sub in o's... she's like some major bitch. BITCH!!! i absolutely hate her!after that had chee hong. that guy's seriously an asshole. joel kena today. dun see wat he did wrong.

had brownies just now.. three whole pieces. rojak yesterday. mac on sat. i'm seriously going to get fat. no. i dun want to get fat!! ha..at least i've finished NAPFA! yay!! no more mass pe.. no more of that bitch... i'm free!!

just some thoughts.

wat if one day u get married and your partner doesn't want to have sex with you.. will you still be with him/her? or will you leave that person??

if wat sherman says is right, then marriage would be for sex. so why even get married?

damn! arsenal lost!!! i'm MAD!! sigh.. really sad for them. damn referee. damn henry. should just sell him off.. wasted easy balls like hell... screw him!

anyway, went to see da vinci code with jp,kok,kenny,charles and ys. must say, its pretty good. better than i expected. kinda convincing even though i noe its not true. its like you really have to think througout the whole movie to get it. and the movie never seemed to end. like you will think this is the last part and then suddenly there's another mystery unsolved. damn cool. stupid guys..all sleeping halfway.. jp was such an ass.. she kept on screaming whenever the bad guy jumped in front of the screen.. hha..quite funny though..seriously, this is one movie everyone should watch. pretty worthit even though it was like 8 bucks.

got unit camp tmr. ha..i'm slacking..would be going later than the rest. sigh..i'm so busy.. can't wait for it to be over.

To all buddists: HAPPY VESAK DAY!!

okay. having a pretty moderate day. though workload is still high. damn et gave 3 sets of papers. still got 20 phy qsns, bio wksht, atc,unit camp. i'm sooo busy! sigh. can't wait for this year to end. though i dun wan to face A levels so soon.

ac's having quite a bad season this time. rugby lost to sa 13-10. went for girl's hockey. quite sad for them, having seen them working very hard for the past few weeks. but then again, the ultimate goal is to challenge yourself and go beyond your own limit. hope they dun take it too hard.

i wrote this entry on self-reflection. apparently the com din wan me to publish it, so just blanked off by itself. ha..i'm not going to take the pain to re-type it. if you see any difference in me from now on, probably you'll understand by yourself.

need to catch up on homework and sleep. and do more self-reflection.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALVIN!!

actually forgot about it. after the amazingly tiring amazing race yest. glad we won.. seems like i'm getting busier and busier.. haven't studied for maths and chem. i'm slacking.. its getting worst..

anyway, got band 1 for pw.. din expect..din care..so i'm just pleasantly surprised.. some din get wat they deserved.. oh well..really dunno wat to say..

i am ugly.

ha..long overdue but need to mention it.. went to Kbox on thursday cuz pat sum din come and toh eb cancelled phy.. the over-ethusiastic yue sheng was trying to get more ppl..haha..darn sad lah..pathetic five ppl.. apparently, five was a good number according to him.. it obviously din make sense at all to see me going KBox.. the whole place was like damn foreign.. if you weren't able to read and understand chinese, you feel so threatened..so easy to cheat..which would probably be the reason why many ACS guys dun go there.

haha, neway, just ended up humiliating ourselves majorly singing chinese songs*I NOE HOW TO SING SOME!!=) too fast for dear calvin and mugger fei to catch the lyrics.. jp proclaiming that wang lee-hom was her boyfren..haha, guess there's nothing wrong in dreaming ah.. yue sheng as the funniest.. cuz his face kept constricting everytime he started singing.. a bit constipated as well.. haha..and with our dear ah sheng around, obviously i got discriminated again.. then he kept singing the Jocie kok's cockroach song.. i think you probably would have guessed.. and i'm so in love with JAY CHOU!! he's like super super hot in the fearless video... the hottess chinaman ever..well, though he's not exactly chinese..

all back to normal now..results out.. i've flunged the whole thing pretty badly.. and the last thing i would need is ET telling me,"you did very badly. i expected more fro you!" sigh, blame it all on me.. my fault that i chose to give up on chem..to watch american pie before maths paper, to study bio only after phy(which was abt 45 mins).. quite scared..since i really won't know where i really stand until prelims..even contemplating dropping subs.. alot of regrets..but guess i can't change wat has happened..just work for my A's..

went out with my babes yest..played pool first..haha..since it was the three of us, we just hecked all rules and played our own made-up game..quite funny cuz jams balls were all in bad positions..thanks to athena and me.. i dun noe how many times i used the f word after damn long..think abt it, i only use that word with jam.. haha..went pastamania after that..but the atmosphere was not very good.. service was pretty bad too.. so we headed to starbucks after that to talk.. haha..athena and i tried unzipping jamee all the time..i was putting 5 cents coins inside her jacket..think one got stuck in her boobs.. man, i really love my babes.. should study hard and get into smu!! i'll be with athena!! woohoo!! hope, everything goes the way i've planned..okay, better start studying..

ET is making me sooo mad!! WHAT THE FUCK IS HER PROBLEM?? WHY IS SHE PISSIN ME ME OUT LIKE THAT!! i cried in class today because of her..i'm trying so hard and at the end of the day, she'll still picking on me.. so i noe 38/60 is not a good grade and i noe i have to pay attention..dun tell me i'm the only one talking...actually, i was teaching jas a chem qsn.. why does she have to only scold me.. get a life!

got back some results.. B for Bio, E for Phy, B for Chem(i think) .. the rest not back yet.. but i'm kinda pissed after hearing some rumours that gp grade is 50% common test. seriously that will screw my grade.. its totally unfair when all those ppl who cheated and got unrealistic marks are going to get good grades.. so much for being honest!!

things are not going well...

yesterday was a bad day. every teacher who came into class was talking abt how badly we did. yes, i suppose. most of us din really study. ms toh told us our phy marks. 32/60. quite disgusting but not as bad as others in class-only 5 passes u see. anyway,alot of ppl are considering dropping subs...everyone asking ms toh about whether they should hold one to phy.. i guess at the end of the day it just depends on you.. most of us ponned doudle PE after that..stayed inclass talking abt dropping subs.. feel sad for jp cuz she studies like loads more than me, and she still can't get grades that she wants.. i seriously wouldn't mind exchanging grades with her since i have no intention of doing anything to do with phy in uni.. and then she said,"you know what? if only i could find a rich guy to support me rite now!" hmm..

there's been alot of talk nowadays between a few of us about getting a rich boyfriend and settling down. i dunno..it seems very tempting but then..is it really wat you want for the rest of your life. can you imagine thinking to yourself everyday"i married him because he was rich!" of course, you could try deceiving yourself by saying that you married him cuz you loved him in the first place.

so then, what will actually make a guy attractive to a girl.. alot of us say looks aren't impt..but are you sure you would go for a guy who looks like bad..or even below average.. personally, i wouldn't..at least not until i'm so deeply moved by him (not easy at all!!).. and i think most girls are.. i mean the first impression you get of ppl is mostly based on their looks.. would you be able to introduce a "below-average"guy to your friends proudly?..can you be sure your friends won't talk abt how "bad" he looks?? not very possible huh..

my fren told that you must be smart about love..choose a guy who is capable.. i understand why she is saying that.. when nothing is certain in the future, the only thing that can keep you going is your strengths.. but really, how many capable guys are out there? what will happen if every girl thinks that way.. and seriously, how do you measure if a guy is capable or not..jp was saying abt how all those smart guys during founder's day were probably taken and stuff.. so, does that mean every other guy is a loser..or is it just we girls who can never be satisfied with wat we have.. does love only come with guys who can be at the top.. my girlfrens say its all being smart..afterall, you have to be practical and think for the future.. but is love really so materalistic that you choose a guy by finding if he is capable or good-looking??

to me, it should be from the heart.. alot of times, you can be tempted because of guys you noe who are rich and handsome and stuff.. but the funny thing is that when you find another guy who is even better than that, the "feelings" you had for the first guy is suddenly gone.. haha..typical for many girls.. seriously, you don't have to find a great guy..you just have to fine one who you noe for sure you'll be happy with for the rest of your life..even if he is poor or ugly or whatever else.. seems impractical huh..like a fairytale ending.. well, your moment may come..you never noe.. just hang in there..

When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way, they show that they wish
That they had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody
And never realises how it affects somebody
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

damn..1 day left..can't wait for it to be over..

blame alisa!! Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control. You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at high risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is very likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

went for smu and nus open house with athena on sat. really changed my perception of both unis.. I WANT TO GO TO SMU!!! man, i really want to get in!! the place is way so cool! everything there is amazing!! the ppl there are very impressive. even though many look like typical bengs, they can actually speak well with confidence and flair. and the thing is that everyone down there is somewhat good-looking.. even the "smart double-degree guys" look hot!! haha, i noe looks shouldn't be the basis to look for a school but if its an added plus pt, why not??=)

and apparently they don't have lectures and tutorials..its just seminar style teaching where the professor and the students participate in interactions(only 40 students per seminar). i mean isn't it much more appealing than some boring lecture system with 500 uniterested students.. and the seminar rooms are damn cool.. they look like those for executive board meetings!! and the chairs are really bouncy and comfortable..unlike the plastic chairs in some other university halls..

also, i think it'll be easier for me to take a double-degree in smu than in nus or ntu. more opportunitites for overseas programmes and internships.. everyone has to go for internship at the end of the course. and there was this girl who got into JPMorgan!! like how cool can that be!! the statistics are also very impressive! all graduates get jobs by the end of 6 mths.. 75% have 2 or more job offers! and more than half have jobs even before they graduate!

to add to these all, smu campus is in the city!! AAaaaaHHHh!! haha..that's like major fun..after being stuck in the part of s'pore which has very little access to anywhere much except holland v, this is like just so irresistible!!!

after going to smu, i thought that i had to go somewhere else and comapre both univeristy.. went to NUS after that..man..hated it!! the ppl were so unwelcoming and hesitant to approach us.. and the buildings were called Yusof Ishak and Raffles..(i understand the reason why they named the buildings as such but still?? get a life!!) hope i dun get sued for that!!

ha..by the time i went, there was only sci and engineering lectures left)..the engineering one was horrible!! the vice-dean was giving the lecture.. i mean obviously, his job was to give us insights into NUS Engineering and NOT THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF S'PORE!! there he went blabbing about how s'pore port is the best in the world and abt how impt engineers were! "WE'RE NOT KIDS U NOE!! I'VE DONE ENOUGH SOCIAL STUDIES TO LAST ME MY ENTIRE LIFETIME!! I KNOW WHAT A KBE IS!!!" ahem.. some guys were opening sleeping without giving a heck about the dean..gee..

ppl have this stereotype mentality that smu is not recognised and only c.m.i pp go there..not true u noe.. apparently u need to get gd grades, write some personal statement and go through interview if shortlisted.. so much more stringent than i thought.. and somehow, i feel it taps on my strengths..so why not..just give it a shot..

i'm damn pissed.. wat the hell does she think of herself.. i think i'm giving her more respect than she deserves and yet, she gives me that kind of shit! if she thinks i cannot make it, so be it! can she not come and pick on every single thing i do! i feel so frustrated!

Gp terms next friday.. and i'm not even bothered abt it. maybe cuz its just GP..oh well.. j3s got terms back on wed...on founder's day..wat luck! ac's done pretty well..the best ever..like 1 in 4 getting 3As at least.. ha..was very happy..very proud to be an ACSian.. i guess its just that something down here that i dun see elsewhere..

and then there was all that talk from the teachers on their expectations for us.. its going to be pretty hard.. the standard has been set..and we need to get there..somehow..i guess the pressure is increasing day by day.. its all up to us now..

i slept 16 hours today. gee.. haha..after trying to survive on 2 hours sleep everyday, this was like paying back all the sleep debt.. fun-o-rama went well yesterday. had fun..after the many days of toturing myself with the preparations, i must say it was pretty good in the end.. i'll post some pics soon..

some of us wanted to have a sleepover on fri, nite before fun-o-rama. ha..went over to jp's house.. let me see.. charles, kenny, yue sheng, thomas, han fei and me.. haha..i reached only around 12.. luckily i brought war of the worlds..jp lent it to me the other day to watch it at home, but i slept everytime before the aliens started attacking.. i guess we were all sleepy at jp's house as well.. some of us started dozing off half way..by the time the movie ended, we were dead beat already. we were supposed to sleep from 2 to 4.30am..after that we had to wake up and do the posters and stuff.. but some how, jp and i couldn't hear the two alaram clocks..dunno how..they were really disgusting alarm clocks u noe..really disgusting sounds..so its still a mystery how come we din wake up..apparently, yue sheng heard it..but the idiot just kept on sleeping..so we woke up at 7pm in the end..the same time that we were supposed to be in school.. damn screwed.. luckily, things din go too bad after that..just rushed the posters and evrything else..yue sheng, han fei and charles rushed to school first to start with the food stall.. the rest of us reached there around 8 plus..haha..oh well..most of the things were in place by the time..

fun-o-rama has helped me understand a few things.. mostly, that ppl change.. i guess the best thing i could do is to ignore the few ppl and carry on with my life. and tts exactly wat i'm going to do..oh well..its not always a happy ending, isn't it??

its been hell without my com..have to end up coming to the library to even check my mail. damn! have to get my mum to bring down the PC to the manufacturer to fix it. school's like really fast and its seriously a rush now! so many events coming up. so many things to plan! i'm dying! fun-o-rama is draining away all my energy. its still the same few ppl who get the stuff done.. i just dun see why i am doing this. all for the school they say! oh well, just hope everything works out in the end.

i still want to meet my BABES!! oh, i really miss you guys! its been really long since we met up..athena and i haven't teased jam abt her simons! thtas terrible!!! haiz..really no time now. okay, shall try to squeexe it in on one of the days.

shall update SOON!!! *hopefully

whoa!! realised that i haven't blogged for 26 days straight. i'm typing this in the library actually. cuz my com is still down. hopefully, it'll be fixed my tmr.. oh my!! i have like a zillion things to say! i think a lot has happened since the year started.. AC orientation, school, fun-o-rama planning, cc training! i'm extremely busy now!

ah.. ok orientaion. FANTASTIC!!! haha..i think it went off pretty well..much better than i expected..even though the rain was rather frustrating, we managed to make the whole thing a success.. we were just shouting cheers and going crazy!! WE ROCKED IT!! my OG's great! rennie me russel..we really got stuff working..(except for the dance!!) the OG was much better than i expected..this batch is much more enthu and cooperative.. okay, let me try to remeber their names: shi hua, kenneth, stanley, david,cheryl-anne, cassandra, emmanuel, sarah, vicky, mark, sasha, eunice, shu en, jiajun, nicholas, daniel, wei en, wei xiang! YAY!! i managed to get it!! gee.. okok..sound so childish! yeah..i had fun..hope they did too..

but then it was back to LESSONS after one week.. i suppose it was very hard to get back to the study mode after all the party and stuff..but oh well..i thknk this year's been pretty fast..its already like end of 3rd week! and i still don't feel the pressure. hopefully, i don't start slacking off just because my marks wasn't that bad and the fact that i don't take S-paper!

i'll continue abt my class stuff...soon..(cuz the library is closing!damn!)

2005, Looking back..

was reading athena's blog and realised i have to do this..

the many moments..ups and downs..

at this same time of the year last year, i was thrilled on what i was going to face the following year.. new school, new frens, new environement.. i had made a decision that i felt was right at that time.. acjc.. i was so used to the st.marg's way of life that i wanted something different..something that would bring me somewhere great.. while many of those i noe were going to sa or other jcs, the ACS brand was so appealing to me.. and so there i was, in a whole new culture.. it wasn't easy.. it took time to actually come to terms with the new environment.. and it wasn't any easier with more than half of them coming through affiliations.. there were already many cliques formed even before school started.. but i guess i survived.. my own group of frens..just enjoying the 3 mths before it was all over.. studieswise, there wasn't much of an impression..i din enjoy most of the lessons..

then came the big decision to make, stay in acj or go somewhere else.. many of my frens who got my pts were trying for wat they felt were "better jcs".. 3 mths had been alrite.. i din feel like going through wat i had during first 3 mths over again-the awkward position to make new frens.. i terribly missed my babes and prav..good thing at least ed was there with me.. athena almost made it(a tinge of dissappointment when she din).. and besdies, most of my frens were leaving the school.. thank god, for seeing jp's name and bev's in the class list.. at least, i'll be starting with some that i noe..

throughout my life there, there were many opportunities i failed to grab.. with no support from my parents, i couldn't get into the cca of my choice.. though i gave a lot of thoughts to it, i din even try for council(even with all the support from my frens..even ET!)..well, i doubted my ability to lead..there seemed to be nothing i had left..except to get on with my studies.. i did well..better than i expected.. but there was always that same emptiness lingering in my heart.. NP kept me busy at times.. other than that, there seemed to be no purpose in my life..

i rarely had time for my babes...felt bad so many times..esp when i was the one who had to cancel a date becuz of sch stuff.. and they are one of those few i could trust..and really be myself.. THREESOME FOREVER!! LOVE YOU GUYS!! and i feel like i neglected prav..haven't been a very good fren..sorry prav! i really still care!! there was so much pretence around other ppl for fear of hurting them..and getting into their bad books..at times, i felt like a hypocrite..crying at nite..

but i guess everything that happened to me, all the troubles and difficulties.. i see myself a stronger person..less superficial.. more matured.. having been in acj has made me see reality and just how big the world is..evrything happens for a reason..and i suppose one day, i might be able to understand the true meaning of everything i'm experiencing..the true meaning of life..

anyway, to all u guys out there! ENJOY THIS LAST DAY OF 2005 and hopefully, next year will be an even better one!=)

had training just now..haha..pretty slack..OGL meeting in the morning and we were trying to finish up all four songs..YES! four not two!! my legs are super tired now..like jelly.. gee.. still need to go practise..

ahh..the hols are finishing in a couple of days..too fast..TOO FAST!! haiz..very stressful.. and i wonder who i should borrow hmwk from..hmmzz..

went out yest with ma'am mei moey, leong woon and ying yuan.. well, was sorta supposed to go for the 4/6 gathering, but stupid lw booked me first..anyway, can't say it'll really be a class gathering.. i prognosticate(courtesy of 1000 words vocab book) that less than half will come..i mean, ttz wat always happens..

anyway, went sakae first..at suntec..mm was very hungry i suppose and i sort of delayed everyone cuz i came late.. no matter how many times i take a bus to city hall, i never seem to remember where i'm supposed to get down.. so i happily got down at the stop before(well, all looked the same to me) and walked as if i was going to the right place..what an idiot i am!! it took me 1km of walk to realise that i was at the wrong place.. i think i was near bencoolen street..or prinsep link..0r..nafa??oh watever.. and wat luck..started raining the next moment..so had to run back all the way and take another bus.. yup, getting back to lunch, we just ate and ate and ate.. bloody hell..damn full after that.. rather interesting cuz mm and i kept bullying lw..(well, he deserves every bit of it!)and yy was refusing to eat anything with veggie or the fish eggs.. haha..better start dieting..i'm getting fat!*worried for napfa!=(

walked around after that cuz narnia was starting a bit late.. being the kid that lw is(even though he thinks '88 ppl are kiddies), we went to toys-r-us for a while..



floating noodles!! edible?? apparently, their for kids to play with in pools..wierd..

is this the kind of "toys" kids nowadays play with?!!
fascinated!!(due to a deprived childhood)


who in the hell looks at globes in a toys shop!!!


taken with much difficulty



mm and the invisible board!(sounds like some movie title..) as they always say:once a coconut,always a coconut

the pink panther thing totally doesn't make sense!

okay, yes..half of what we did was crap.. and well, well.. abt the movie.. IT TOTALLY SUCKED!! i slept 10 times through the movie and there seemed to be nothing very interesting.. if you have read the book, dun expect the movie to be the same..the plot is rather similar but everything else was dissappointing.. and i thought it was a bit too long..and like the reviews said, its more for kids..

but again, lw and yy din have such strong comments..so u might still consider watching..

feeling kinda burdened right now... had quite a few jobs to do.. and it ain't as easy as i expected.. NP training's gonna start again.. and the shelter is really not comin on well.. i mean, i feel like an amateur since i myself haven't build shelters and stuff before in my NPCC career..(well, professionally at least) i'm feeling the weight of all the responsibilities ppl have entrusted me with..and i need to prove it to them.. and to everyone who thinks i'm not fit to do wat i'm doing..

sometimes i think maybe its karma.. i was a bit of a rebel myself during my days..so it isn't that hard to think why my juniors would act the same way with me..(or maybe worst) i don't know.. jam athena and i were bonded in that way at least.. like bitching together and swearing at particular individuals.. so, suddenly u feel that the same things happening..all over again! and ttz when u really learn to appreciate your seniors..

and now, with things besides NP itself, i have to seriously get my priorities right.. OGL meeting's gonna clash with training..have to get the design done before training starts.. orientation planning..it all has to be perfect.. and i feel so alone when doing all these stuff.. i noe, there are ppl(seniors, frens) around to help.. but this is like a chance to prove myself..and i have to do it! so here i am lamenting and hoping to see the light..

i am soo angry with blogger right now. first, they changed the whole bloody website to chinese! now, they did some shit and my whole long entry is GONE!! i'm am in despair!! weeps* I AM GOING TO SUE BLOGGER FOR ALL THE MISERY THAT THEY HAVE GIVEN ME!!

weeps* okok, shall try to control myself=(..as you may have seen, i've changed the layout..yes, pink and pink and pink! i am absoultely satisfied.. its really pink madness..took quite some time to find it and make the changes.. but guess, its okay now.. spent an even longer time trying to get the tagboard done.. i'm trying out a new one..c-box or something like that..i'm sure many of you alreday have it..but u noe how it-savvy i am rite, so pardon me for my ignorance for such enhancements. so, all you guys out there, remember to fill it up okay..

was looking at the last entry.. 28th November 2005. what the heck have i been doing for 18 straight days without blogging. oh gosh, i had abandoned my blog for so long!! "sorry blog, i'll try to take better care of you from now on!(hopefully)" well then again, i wasn't exactly free all these time..

had to go for some totally boring malaysia trip with my extended family..i seriously dun get the point why my mum still forces me to go fo something that i'm totally not interested.. its just a damn waste of money..precious money since i'm broke right now. and then there was OGL camp right after that..from monday to thursday.. but since i'm so bloody misfortunate, i ended up spraining my ankle on the second day..wtf! my mum was so freakin pissed.. i kinda understand since it was the eighth time i sprained the same part of my ankle in 5 years.. not funny at all.. so, couldn't go for OGL camp on thurs as my ankle suddenly had bruises..dun ask me how come.. got 2 weeks excuse.. and the doctor was like" you better not go play games or dance for the next two weeks! or you'll have to pay me another visit!" wat the hell! isn't that wat OGL camp mainly consist of?? games and dance?? its as good as telling me to go there and shake leg for the whole day!!

apart from that, i guess the camp was alrite.. the mass dance is good, just that i can't get 90% of Pon de replay.. i am so dead! my lossehelin's(hope i spelled it right) name is Kyofu..supposed to mean horror..so we get to wear scary stuff for march in..i think i'll be doing the zombie.. ha..its rather fun.. making the j1s shriek on their first day of school..evil grinz* and the og name is scream..as in the movie scream..yup, kinda changed the storyline to something very lame..so if you wanna noe more, come ask me!

watched the last episode of rainbow connections just now.. the ending wasn't really the way i hoped for it to be.. but oh well, its not too bad.. so yes, i'm super glad that jianyi din go wif yoyo.. the ockoto(what a wierd name!) competition was bullshit.. xiaoqian and david were way much better than the skilless dance of yoyo.. she is such a snob! wait a minute..snob isn't a strong enough word. yoyo is a selfish, mean, evil-loving bitch with a fucking attitude problem!! she can't even dance well..still can give that kind of a look! and good thing jianyi wasn't dump eough to go after the stupid bitch!

on a lighter note, i think xiaoqian's quite pretty.. for a chinese girl..(i think zhang ziyi, vivian hsu, jolin tsai etc. are not at all pretty..so when i say she's pretty, she's pretty!)as in she looks like a beautiful chinese girl..as in from china..not singapore.. i'm not so sure if everybody would agree, but if she was from China, i would recommend her for Miss China Universe/World..

also, just got the news that liverpool are drawn with sl benfica, their the portugese champions anyway.. i think liverpool's got a pretty easy team, so they must win. not draw but win!! chelsea got drawn agains't barca.. omehow, i want chelsea to win cuz i think barca is pretty strong and liverpool might have a hard time beating them later on.. so hopefully, some magic is added to crouch's feet to get him to score..seriously, he's record sheet is pathetic and he's got to do better..he's starting to score and that's a good thing..but no! not enough for the european champions! they need a champion striker!!hopefully, crouch can see the light!!

hopefully, this entry doesn't get screwed up like the other one..

got nagged at by yvon to update. ahh. been at home lately.at last. a lot of things have screwed. np is total shit rite now. with the changing of so many components after that hard training. not likely to have time in dec to train them. so, have to see how lah.

i'm freakin broke..there's so many things to look out for.so many things to buy. but my money's rite now stuck everywhere. haiz..and not getting much allowance now that its the holidays. damn.. and taken a sudden interest in harry potter. bought the entire series after pleading my sis for some cash. she's richer than me anyway. so yeah, spent 4 afternoons reading the first 3 books. rite now at goblet of fire..its fucking thick..

its quite annoying in the sense that i haven't really finished my hmwk..had started on it diligently..but my frens were blasting me for being such a no-life. seems they haven't touched theirs. i should really get back to work and stop reading the stupid book.

hmm..let me see.. things in dec. MY BIRTHDAY!!! yay! should be getting some cash from my parents. have to bring my mum for dinner(my treat). babes outing. the sickening family trip. ogl camp. np training. urghs. and getting that physics hmwk done..since when did i start hating that subject. even more than chem rite now. oh well.

oh found out something. got a letter. the one on edusave. was rather shocked. din expect to be in 25%. ha..esp since i got the same kind of letter when i was in st.marg's. i mean obviously, there would be a great standard diff between the two places. so, tot it was a bit wierd. anyway, i never get the money. so no point gloating.. =(

back from training. arrgh. quite clueless rite now. i mean seriously, wat else am i supposed to be doing. they dun seem to be improving and they still think they are good. and some can even complain about it being so difficult to do the damn easy things. they really haven't seen the world. and there's no fire. absolutely none. nope. not even a single one. wats with that. they giving their 100% might not actually be enough. but isn't it really their choice whether they want to do well or not. and with what face am i supposed to be looking at lsb. there's so much pressure to perform. and its so bad to see that nothing really gets done. hmm. hopefully, they get some strange inspiration..

chalet from 14th to 16th.. pretty much alrite. well, first day bbq..went to jp's house before that to prepare some stuff. was watching a Sun Yat Sen( did i spelll that rite??) movie. not too bad.. took a taxi but wat the fuck. thomas wasn't there and we needed somone who was 18 to check in.. so jp and i waited and waited with all those freakin stuff.. there were really a lot of things to carry.. the rest of the ppl were still at the MRT station waiting for the costa sands bus which never came. they took a cab..stupid alvin.. came like some poser./

i must say.. the place was pretty small.. a small area outside the chalet for bbq, a small bathroom, a damn small TV, a refrigerator which din really act like one, and a very small bedroom.. basically, everything was small lah. the girls took the bedroom and the guys had to sleep downstairs.. and there were freakin so little girls who came..

the bbq was damn tiring.. i mean wat the hell. we took about 3 hours to get the charcoal burning cuz all of us were amateurs. and they thought i would be able to start fire cuz i was a instructor in NP. like when was that part of wat i should be able to do. unless for ATC, it is rather not of much use. so yes, after getting a pathetic bunch of charcoal burning,we sort of cooked the food. it was so freaking unhygenic. the satay dropped on the floor and we just washed it and barbequed it.. ET and toh eb came. ET also brought her bf. he looks like soh cc actually..kinda freaked out at the sight of him. ha..not too bad though..just abit reserved i suppose. shan't judge from first looks.. there was so much food. really alot.. and we were barqueing until about 11 plus.. and then went for night cycling. went from one end to the other.. then back. we went to some damn dark place.. was a bit scared but a bit better since the guys were there.. in the end my ass was hurting so bad. couldn't even sleep properly.

went to sleep only at 4.30 am.. the guys were still making so much noise.thanks to the ps2. and they came to disturb us around 8 or 9 plus. can't really rmb. din budge out of the bed. kws and ze slept on the floor. and joel was standing and sleeping. felt very bad..so gave him some place to sleep. well, i moved to the floor. din really catch a good sleep.. second day pretty much free and easy.. went for lunch and bedok..cycled there..

had an old sc6 class gathering at nite.. felt a bit awkward cuz it had been a really long time and seemed so wierd.. but in the end..wasn't too bad lah.. they were pretty nice.. but the new class wasn't very welcoming..they din really like the old class..so they left for steamboat dinner at marina south.. we had pizza.. ha..one good thing.. i learnt mahjong..tahaaa.. quite interesting..but NO. not wanting to be CHEENAFIED!!

and the guy from UAE called..i think his name was daniel.. quite fucked up lah.. he just tried to get an appt with me..not like i'm some majorly beautiful attractive chic or smthg(kok will agree wif tt).. it'll be so embarrassing if they see me and dump me like some shit. and somemore he was talking abt my ambition to marry a rich and handsome guy. i mean wat the fuckk. who the hell will take wat i wrote so seriously.. i just shut the phone halfway..

we did accounts and realised that we went way over budget..had to increase the coast lah..damn..sherms used the aluminium foil to start a fire.. for bbq..and then Rui yi's frens came to help..since they seemed to have everything going on fine, i went to sleep.. slept downstairs cuz it was too cold upstairs. some of the guys slept upstairs too.. but joel was so worked up over some fighting ps2 game that he spent the whole night playing.. but he got so tired that he slept the whole morning..in the end. it was only 6 ppl left.kok,charlie,sherms,ze,XT and me..went for lunch at LJS.. had to bring home so many freaking things.. including a watermlon and paper plates.. so sickening..had to drag evrything home..

overall, it was pretty much wat i expected..hopefully, we got some class bonding going on from there..

also, went in the morning to watch harry potter with LW.. and i forgot to bring the tickets.. freaked out lah.. luckily managed to get him with some help from the manager.. the movie was alrite.. the graphics were good but the story was a bit choppy.. hah.. and we were nearly late for training cuz that idiot got us to the wrong bus stop..

ok this entry is pretty long..better get some sleep..

back from the long PW meeting at yuen may's place. two more days..and pw's outta my life! yay!! finnaly managed to book the tix for harry potter. so late thanx to the so many ppl who haven't paid me for chalet. i'm like focking out my own money right now to pay my dad. damn. i'm never organinsing another one of these outings!!

got in for the OGL thing.. its alrite. i guess i'm not as happy as some might expect me to be.. but given the job, i'll try doing it well..

my new specs are sooo pink and purple. ha..so wierd since i am not accustomed to wearing this kind of specs. ha.oh well..

got back results..AACD..not too bad since its way much better than terms. but the teeny weeny bit of disappointment still lingers in my heart. it seems like hard work doesn't always pay off well.. two days of studying Bio-A. months of studying phy-E(without moderation). haiz.. its so unfair.. i felt so guilty when ms toh was talking abt physics.. i did way below her expectations.. sigh..

thomas topped the class..3 As.. sorta expected.. always sleeping in class and can still do so well.. its so irritating. ze+ got 3 As too..asshole.. but i guess, he's a consistent worker..gd for him.. dun think i'll be taking s-papers.. i'm still thinking of maths.. since bio is not an option anymore with my C5 in GP..but, most likely not..pretty useless lah..

felt quite sad for a number of ppl in class.. its just so shocking they din do well.. esp when some others whom i feel din really deserve it got good grades..not that i look down..well, i don't..if they study and do well, then good for them..but if they dun study and somehow, do well..damn tyco..

yes, its a ear already..half the race finished.. and fnished not too badly.. i shall be my greatest competion and do well.. for its the A's that matter in the end..

promos finished quite some time ago.. ha.. spent too much time outside or watching dvds.. hee.. and now its PW madness!! spending so much time doing the F**ked up PW for which i think i will get a T grade just like kenny predicts..sianz.. and prmos results coming back on friday. quite scared.. esp when phy only 30% passed in the level.. ms toh said i passed section B but got 5/15 for MCQ.. thats quite dumb actually..pretty pathetic.. oh well.. hopefully i pass overall.. and et said only 6 ppl passed chem..quite sad cuz i was hoping our class will do well.. and jp is always suanning me..cuz i passed sort of passed. so evil.. i'm sure she'll do well esp since she mugs so hard. and please. I'M NO MUGGER!sigh..trying to get that inside those girls' heads is just so hard. they dun get it. i'm not given much of a choice. i think i screwed gp..i have no mother tongue. which means i have to pass everything else. darn! haiz..not gonna argue with them abt it anymore.

well, for now i guess i should just try to enjoy as much as i can. booked the chalet already. fun-o-rama..games sort of settled..surprisingly..bake sale.. hmmz.. if nobody opens their house, then i dunno how lah.. ha..charleston sprained his ankle i think..his pw group is suffering.. i still suggest they go to his house.. hee.. freak him out..=) and i can't believe how ze+ can come up with a sick joke on charlie's middle leg..wtf.. kws!! i'm so angry with him over pw.. and he's a sicko...a mushy sicko.. found a badge with him..it wrote"I love you.. because you are a sweet little fool!!" I almost puked blood. can't imagine..

i want to see my babes!! darlings, i really miss you guys!! jam's simons..athena and her purple,green,pink..oh i-dunno-wat simons..love you guys!! lets confirm our dinner date soon!!! before jam runs away to make babies again..

two days to promos.. most of the work done..but not bio. not at all. oh well! only two ppl were absent from school today. wats wif that!? some class only had two ppl present. ha..all the talkings of ponning sch.. jp din come. stupid girl.sleeping at home. my day was bad in the morning.

woke up 15 mins late. slept on the bus and missed my stop. had to take the damn MRT back to sch. lessons were near useless. esp that damn inheritance lecture. he took so long to do a few qsns. was so scared that chee hong will take away my handphone. you see, my phone rang yet AGAIN during his lesson. he wanted to confiscate it for one day. but din give it to him yesterdat. guess he forgot abt it. shree's birthday today. koh wui siong on wed. joel on monday. bob on tues. sad to be having exams on your birthday..after school was damn funny. after physics that is. ze+ asked me to keep sherm's bag inside the girls' toilet. sherms saw that and tried to snatch the bag away. he suceeded but i managed to grab his box and run into the toilet. ha. they din wanna come in cuz i was armed with a camera to capture them in action in the girls' toilet. i was laughing so hard cuz they were trying all possible ways to get in without being caught. sherms even though of spraying a fire extinguisher on me. koh wui siong barged into the toilet. yes, got his pic but lost the box. then sherms, ze+ and kws all came to attack me. stupid ze+!! pour so much water on me. shall have my revenge on all three of them one day!

i'm trying for OGL.. not sure how. cuz my parents are planning a holiday around that time. shall wait and see. the class wants to pon acgames. understandable why. not very likely that our class will win, esp with those guys.. but i think bev's upset. shall try to convince everyone to come. must eradicate alvin kok and chien zi yi first!! ha..too strong.. ya. you get the point.

wat to do after promos?? actually, got so many things. must catch up wif my babes. must watch corpse bride. johnny depp!! must plan a successful class outing. class chalet?? steamboat at someone's house?? bbq?? movie marathon!!! must watch all thre american pie again! and also all the three scray movies! some are not with the idea but who cares! just watch with those who want to watch.. not for the porn but the teenage humour. gee..

well..now its the promos that should be in my mind. come on guys! 12 more days and it'll be all over!

trying to print out the physics promos paper..such a hassle.. promos in a weeks time.. still got quite a bit to do. ok, won't say i din study cuz i did. but not sure if its enough. everyone claims promos gonna be a killer. but seriously, how bad can it be? oh well, just trying to look on the bright side. i've not really been doing school work. just revising. seeing ppl aroung me fretting over things that they haven't done. esp those who always seem to have done their work in the end. i don't know. maybe they really din do. the selfish ones. sometimes, it makes me angry. its makes me want to be selfish with them as well. two ppls birthday this week.. planning to do something but hopefully everyone is with the idea. yes, exams are on the way. but it would be nice to get together once in a while to celebrate..

i've never studied as hard as this before. never have i ever stayed up until 1am on consecutive nights to finish revision. never. i cherish sleep. so u probably know how hard it is for me. o'levels seems far distant right now. promos.promos.promos. to all those who are reading this right now. GET BACK TO MUGGING!! yep. hard as it seems, we have to go through this. take it as a challenge. i'm sure we'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

aaaaaAAAAhhh!! zzz monster is attacking me!! wr has taken up two whole nights.. f**k!! ok..gotta go cuz the bell just rang..KWS is making me mad!! I'm going to kill him!!!

stuck in the library now..was supposed to be printing out my eom but thanks to so screwed up guy who spoilt the machine, i'm sitting here typing this..waiting for the aunite to repair the machine.. haiz.. i've yet to let the zzzz monster take over me..thanks to pw..wr due on fri and i haven't even started on it.. my group is doomed.. oh well..juz go to smu.. saves all the trouble..

i feel kinda guilty for all the stuff i said abt her in the past.. i mean she can be annoying but i actually pity her now, seeing the state she is in.. there's so much discrimination..isn't wrong to be urself? to do all those crazy things and not worry abt wat others might think of you!! maybe it is..maybe in sc6.. i feel like a hypocrite.. bitching abt her behind her back but putting up a false front.. okay, maybe not false..unreal?? oh watever!! i'm trying to change..hey, if you have noticed, i'm nicer to her now..and i dun say horrible stuff anymore.. but why can't evryone just be like that.. u really don't know who to believe..who you can tell the truth to.. who is smiling in front of you but saying all those mean stuff abt you behind your back..who will be there beside you when you reallu have a problem..okay..all these are just my random ramblings!! sigh!! i think the person has repaired the machine..better go queue up before the bell rings..

i've been wanting to blog something but evrytime i log in, there's just so many other thigns to do.. decided to chuck everything one side first and update.. yeah!!! went out with my babes!! woohoo!! went to watch wedding crashers..all thanks to stupud jam..the whole film was so R(A).. though it was only rated NC-16.. i think jam must have wanted to watch it..that's why..give an excuse that johnny depp looks metrosexual.. so that she can get ideas for her numerous husbands!! and I WANT MY NEOPRINTS!! athena and i managed to convince jam and ivy for neoprints..since we were chaeted the last time.. and i left it with her athena cuz i had to rush home!! darn..wat life!! anyway, also, on monday went out to see charlie and choc factory with some classmates.. it was sooo worthit!! the movie is superb..esp with the oh so cute johnny depp.. and no..HE IS NOT METROSEXUAL.. i'm sure athena and alisa will agree with me.. haha.. went to PS first..but the stupud queue was until the lifts.. so probably if we had waited, we would only have gotten tickets for the late night show.. not kidding!! so decided to try our luck at suntec..haha..eng wah..lousy theatre..so only got very few ppl..a lot of rj though.. go watch charlie and choc..its so good!!! shall tag again soon!!=)