i've got awesome johnny depp specs now! yay!

and i finally got to cutting a fringe! it looks pretty nice i think.. but still not complete without my pink bits.. hopefully i'll get that done by this next week!

okay, its been more than a week since pa finished. i dun really wanna blog about it but just wan to say that it was much better than i expected and i think i'll be doing tax in the future. okie, moving on.. i think i need to start giving tuition again. after one sem of slacking, my bank account has depleted and i haven't been able to buy much this gss. but strangely i'm shopping post gss.. buying loads of clothes and bags but it never seems enough. i need to handcuff myself to my bed to make sure i dun buy anymore stuff. oh, finally caught public enemies and its absolutely awesome shit! okay, i'm not being an inch bias but if johnny depp had not acted in this film, it wouldn't have rocked. he totally owned it! i suppose the best scenes were still those between him and marion coutillard. he's like such an unconventional lover. its not the matthew mcconaughey or brad pitt type.. maybe more like george clooney.. he uses corny lines that dun sound as such, simply because its him saying it. and you totally fall for it! oh i wish i could marry him! ok i wish tt all the time!

i'm gonna bake a chocolate fudge cake with ganache. i went to jurong east today to get the ingredients from the bake shop but found out that it had closed. =( and i just wandered around that area so that it wun feel like i wasted a trip. found some pretty good shops, including one which sold kerastase at a really cheap price! i'm heading there soon!

she likes to make me cry. to use words in the most hurtful way. i know its her way of venting anger at me and possibly even to let me know her exact feelings. i don't like verbal thrashing of anyone and am not going to get myself into one because that will never end anything.

i keep wondering if i am in the wrong. is it wrong to not believe a person who has blatantly lied to you many times before, with the her own confession to "lie at her convenience", even if she may be telling the truth?

i want to move on. i keep writing in here that i dun wan to talk about it but this seems like its my only outlet especially when i can't talk about this to anyone else rite now. i honestly wish i could tell this to someone to help me see how i am in the wrong. but who?i need someone to give me a non-biased view on things. i feel really lonely these days. my heart is heavy and stricken all the time and i find it so hard to think about anything. i tell myself not to cry and to focus on other things. but i'm yet to find some success at that.

i am not trying to seek sympathy or pity for the dilemma that has struck me. i believe that its my own actions that have caused this. i dun think i can do anything about it because some things take time to heal and some don't ever heal if the feelings not there. i dun even talk to her these days because i think the less i say, the less the hatred. i honestly don't hate her anymore. its not because i'm saintly and all-nice but because there is a part of the Lord in all of us which means there is goodness in all of us. this i have to accept even if originally i dun resonate with it. i have no right to judge her and i've learnt from my mistakes.

i only wish for now for her to stop her verbal abuse. because it may be too late to regret that what goes up must come down. and that its true regardless of whther you are spiritual or not. please, just stop this.

maybe all i need is a break. i'm tired of worrying about things, people... i'm moving on. no more blogging about this.

so, i was watching another mj tribute today. and i couldn't help but think he's really quite sexy in this video. its really quite unconventional the way he tries to woo the girl but i'm quite sure it would work on me.

what happens when you lie?

i know the ill-effects of blantant lying. i have lied countless times, mostly harmless yes, but with the effect of me having to keep on lying. it sucks to lie because i think some part of you feels really guilty. but after some time, it gets better. you become used to it and it becomes an addiction. thankfully, i don't have the necessity to lie these days. its not worthit.

but my point is that when you keep lying, and when one day you tell the truth, you will never convince a soul. and i don't blame them for not believing because of the lessons you taught them about how believing you would never yield anything good. its time for some evaluation on how to earn their trust, not for thrashing vulgarities to show you din do it but dun realise why others blame you! (if it is not meant for you, you may have trouble understanding)

its been really hard on me because i was thinking how i should react. i don't know if my reactions were the best, but at least i know some things. its funny how its in moments of anger that you blurt out the deepest feelings of yours.

you don't love me, you don't even like me.

there's just so many things i want to blog about. from mj's death to some personal issues. but everytime i get to the "create post" page, i just cancel the whole window. alrites, i think i'll leave my ramblings for another time and just write about course registration (oh like, how boring!).. got my first choice classes. its damn awesome i tell you. sf's in both my classes and the rest in at least one! it makes me feel good after a really bad day yesterday. happened to "lose" my camera. i don't know how its possible to lose it since it was just sitting around my table and i vividly remember the position of it. can't say i was careless because i knew the exact place it was supposed to be. so, i don't know what happened. just need to be cautious. against what/who you may ask! and that, i cannot answer. haiz, its was really expensive and i had to use my salary to buy it. thats why its so painful. haiz. seems my blog still isn't turning out to be happy ever with the change in layout.

i have to look after myself.

okie, i changed the layout in the hope that i'll write more happy things. i wan to put a picture of myself but i really dunno which one to put. cuz it needs to look appropriate, like not slutty or wannabe-like. so, its still kiv..

i'm trying to really think about more positive things. i'm goign to try and make theses coming 4 weeks meaningful.

i'm gonna lose it. its been a frustrating week and i'm starting to not like things anymore. i noe i'm not even supposed to bitch but when you are sometimes thought to be less capable when you just want a chance to prove something, it almost breaks your confidence. there's absolutely no challenge in anything and when you are not even trusted to do something that is pure common sense, you just feel like slamming that person and walking off. the lack of experience does not mean that you cannot poduce a reasonably good piece of work. its difficult to go on when there's no motivation at all. when you know that you are not going to do anything useful. and its bloody insincere to rave about someone in front of that person just because you're trying to impress that somebody. you dun do justice to anyone and you dun earn any respect at all. and it hurts that person when all she wants is to gain some recognition and prove herself. honestly, i dun think that the work that happens around here is alien to me. i perfectly understand the concepts and with some guidance, i dun expect myself to do any less than anybody else. i'm not proud and praising myself but as a soon to be final year grad, i think that i cannot be deemed to know any less, can i? i really hope no one mistakes me for thinking i'm too smart or too good.. the ppl i work with with more experience, definitely have more exposure and know things better. they're really helpful. i mean really. but i cannot be of much help to them somehow. maybe they dunno how much i know but i think they dun realise that i'm not hear so much to learn but to do. I learn from doing because i believe in self discovery. i normally dun ask for help and go google my way through to get my answers. i auppose things dun work that way here but that was my persona vision..

now, i dunno how.. i'm lying through my teeth and making up things along the way just to keep the peace. i really need a challenge. its very tiring for my brain to not have anything to think about for the whole day. i rather do the most offensive looking stats problems and read my entire frs for that one detail than do nothing.

haiz. i dunno..i really don't. 4 weeks and 1 day.

taking bus to work in the peak hours has really reminded me why i hate living here.

a pregnant young lady is standing in a crowded 960, visibly in discomfort by the lack of a seat in the stuffy, aircon-less bus. and yet, no one, not a single one offered her a seat. wat really stumped me was the fact that they had absolutely no feeling of guilt or any sort of emotion at their action, or rather inaction. yes, high heels are hellish at 6pm in the evening. yes, i know its insanely exhausting. but isn't that poor preganant woman feeling exactly that? and wait, add a huge mass of baby load to that. the trend seems to be that its the young people with such ugly behaviour. i tot singapore was supposed to be known as a gracious society.. gracious my foot!

and today, a fucking bastard tried to molest me in the bus. and it was like in open light since i was standing in the centre. i'm not gonna go into details at wat he tried to do but it was really sad to see that everyone was just keeping quiet doing nothing when i was in obvious disress and i could bet on anything that they quite knew what was happening.

i need to get myself a car. with my own money that is. ppl keep telling me that i'm stupid for not taking up my dad's offer. but i noe i dun deserve it. no, i'm not trying to act noble and all. but really, i dun think its that classy to depend on my parents. i wun say much since quite a number of my frens are to the contrary. but watever it is, the point remains that i need to earn money. i was just thinking about all the things that i need to spend on once i start working. and it became very miserable to think abt it anymore. sighz..

on a happy note, i started to read half blood prince again. cannot wait for the movie!:)

i'm booked till the end of the week and broke to bits already.. internship pay is like peanuts and i cannot depend on it at all.. sucks totally..

hahahaha! i need to blog this because its both scary and flattering! i was walking from bugis to bencoolen yest and on the way i saw two young angmohs at bugis village. since they were just two random angmohs, without giving them any particular attention, i went on to walk through the rather smelly crowd of teenagers. as i was strolling to bencoolen, one of the guys suddenly came from the back and tapped me on the shoulder (no, he din let go). he said that he's fren (the other angmoh) likes me. as i was blasting my earphones, i was quite blur as to wat he had just said. then like 5 secs later, the other guy came up to be and out of nowehere, just put his hand around my shoulders and started introducing himself. so apparently he's george and he's from the us. he asked me my name and where i was from. though, quite taken aback, i politely answered him back (his hand is still on my shoulder). and he said that we should go somewhere and have fun throughout the night, like drink or something. i quite saw that coming and speaking in his lingo, i was like,"AWWW! I have to totally go somewhere now!" (expression: highly disappointed that i had to give it a miss.) and then, i kinda released myself from his grip and he was still trying to cajole me into going with them. i put my acting skills to work again and said bye to him by reaching out my hand. he took my hand and locked it around his and started walking as if i had said yes. so this time, i kinda pleaded to him (*put on a very sad face) to let me go, which he eventually did. so all this happened in the middle of like ten thousand pairs of eyes that looked shocked, possibly because i actually played along. ok, i admit that those two guys were kinda hot but i kinda did some rationalisation in my head and thought that i din actually need to run or scold them. they were just friendly, maybe slightly overboard for the average singaporean but i thought they were still fine. and it was not like they could do anything in that place. so when i tell my frens, they are shocked at my behaviour.. like as if i just agreed to sleep wif them! crazy ppl!

right before that had lunch with athena and lw. and damn, it was quite a morale booster to someone who was feeling so shitty at not being hit on regularly by anyone.lol. oh, i'm really happy for athena! she totally deserves to be happy and i love my babe to bits!!=)

i

the sem seems to have ended rather abruptly. the thought that this could be the last sem i might actually be with some of the girls is quite depressing!  seeing how at the start of the sem, i was rather apprehensive as this sem was going to be without sok fang. i mean, she's really the one who can see me eye-to-eye in most things and after one whole sem of only seeing her face, it was quite strange going back to the original girls. i dun know if you rmb my posts in year 1 but they were mostly about how these bunch of ppl were not the kind that i hang out with. not my ac or st.marg's kind but more subdued and less bitchy. i still think the same way but i suppose time changes everything and when you start opening up, you can really bring the friendships to a whole new level. so to think that once most of them leave for instep, i'll be drifting about in the nbs that i oh-so dislike, is daunting.  i guess i'll stick to rest of them but its not the same seeing that i'll be way too loud for the ppl in sg and possibly a total jackass (just as fb predicted)!

i dun wan to think about next sem. I dun wan to think about internship. i wish i could freeze time to this moment. cuz rite now, everything's perfect for me. 

just perfect...

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into

You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes

Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

i made a very terrible statement today in front of someone i shouldn't have..regrets but i cannot resolve anything. must learn to be more tactful and less superficial. =(

i need to stop watching movies..confessions of a shopaholic.. another chic flic..strange that jerry bruckheimer produced it..lol..but yeah.. everything's fine now.. i'm pretty contented except with PA which i hope i'll forget about soon.. did i mentioned i cut my hair that day? oh well, seems like nobody really figured that.. and they refused to believe me when i said i did. damn, i should go for something outrageous soon. 

i cannot stand 2 weeks of no football. who cares about the lame internationals.. GIMME MY TORRES BACK! 

caught He's Just NOt That Into YOu today.. must say i was more impressed than i thought i would be. i suppose ppl will say its just another romcom but this wan is diff, firstly becuz of the star-studded casts but most importantly because its so brutally honest. "He's just not that into you" it would kill for any girl to hear that.. but imagine how much better relationships would become if women actually got to accept that. i like the justin long and the big love girl pairing cuz its absolutely cute. and girl says this,

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs."

how so true. everyone (including me) hopes to be the exception. i mean, who doesn't wan their own happy ending.. but i guess with the kind of life in singapore and the kind of guys there are here, thats highly unlikely. there's not gonna be a knight in shining armour, esp when u keep hoping for it. reading the signs.. oh boy do i wish it could be easier.. i can read signs for everyone except for myself. i keep wondering if a certain guy likes me while actually completely ignoring( and sometimes, bashing) the guy who actually does. maybe i'm just meant to be the rule.. 

sometimes i just feel like laughing at myself. why do i even bother.. its really sad to see how grades play almost wholly in deciding the calibre of someone. whether u can get an internship, whether you can go for an exchange, whether you are worth the effort.. i noe i dun give my best in studies but i sometimes feel that life's a bit unfair to me. i'm not jealous or bitter. i just find the whole situation incomprehensible.

ey and moores haven't contacted me. guess its back to grades again! i feel like going up to them and give them a knock on the head. some of the most talented ppl i've seen have dreadful grades and i am sure that they would do well if given the chance. its such an unfair system. meritocracy they say but its come to a point where they are just rigid and stagnant.

 and that is why u keep losing your talent!

a valentine's day not filled wif love..

its painful to come back home, act like nothing happened. trust is a very special thing to me because i rarely trust anyone. to hear that someone whom you think about every few moments doesn't trust you is devastating. and even more when you realise you can no longer trust her. it was never to be this way but after getting betrayed once and twice and again and again when all you've hoped to be is honest, you just give up. i cannot let the other people in my life get hurt because of one person. you keep thinking its just a phase that will pass but sometimes people use words that is worst than stabbing your heart deep with a dagger. you just need to stop crying and walk away. do i trust her anymore? i dun think so. but i still pray everyday for her to find Krishna the way I did. and when i see her as someone to be proud of, i'll be more happy than anything in the world! 

and till then, at least He is one person I will always trust.

watched three movies today..just to see what the buzz abt the oscar movies are. personally i was really only interested in seeing milk because of the theme. but just kept watching one after another. so if i was allowed to vote for best picture, it'll be

1)slumdog millionaire

2)milk

3)the curious case of benjamin button

okay, i haven't really seen the wrestler and the rest of the movies but i suppose the commercial ones are somehow more attractive. when i watched milk, i thought nothing could be better but slumdog proved me so wrong. its a feel good movie, not really bollywood style(which is awesome!) and somehow reminds me of city of god.  the youngest jamal is awfully cute and the music is brilliant. and i dun understand why the ppl in the indian slums are so worked up. it does create awareness and i do believe the potrayal is quite accurate. the children are blinded, they cheat their way thru life but nobody could really blame them. maybe the movie did generalise but which movie doesn't? 

milk was interesting from beginning to end. the potrayal of harvey milk as a sensitive vulnerable man was wat made the movie so watchable. of course lets not forget diego luna and james franco. their roles are not big but they add to the yummy factor!=) and i hate anita bryant. i tried to google her since movies dun really portray ppl accurately but after all i've read, i still hate her. i mean, i cannot hate her so let me just pray for her!

benjamin button was somewhat slow and except for the makeup wonders, there wasn't really much to look forward to. i think the story telling is beautiful and cate blanchett is beautiful. i just thought abthow it must be for her to see brat in his last few days as nothing more than a 5 pound baby not even sure if he knows her. not the greatest but definitely worth a watch!

my sis's com is so messed up that i cannot even open windows media player. wtf! okay, anyway, its gonna be cny and i'm so looking forward to the long break. there's so much catching up to do and we''re so screwed without a company..


so much for happy holidays!

days of sleeping for 3 hours are back. i told myself that i would get more sleep this week but apparently thats not gonna happen. i'm trying not to lose motivation but i can see that i'm slipping from the disciplined girl i once used to be. somehow, i'm doing so many things this sem despite not having any more tuitions. 

aiesec is much more draining with corporate breakfast and other events. just had elections today. personally, i understand that the whole idea and objective of having the elections. it was interesting to see how much passion the candidates had for aiesec and sometimes i wonder if i will ever have that kind of belief. right now, i think i'm not feeling anything very strong but i'm still in it because i like the idea that aiesec represents.  however, i just find that many of the processes during the elections were rather inefficient. i dun wanna be mistaken to be arrogant or rude but i think that 52 speeches, no matter how inspirational dun really go into the minds of the members. there's a saturation point and after that, its s exhausting. in any case, congrats to yunzhou for winning LCP position! =)

i applied for instep on the last day. first choice uni of alberta, canada. i know the results are not gonna be out for some time but i cannot stop being excited. the thought of escaping from this mundaness and doing something totally outrageous is just too much to take in. i need a break and one to canada would be awesome. hopefully qiuqiu, yati, wuzzy and me all make it! 

i'm trying out a new job. can't really say what it is for now but i'm pretty sceptical about what i'll be doing. first training in the morning and i hope its fulfilling. need to earn some cash, save for instep and for shopping. i'm horribly starved since the last thing i bought was a pair of black heels. i'm eyeing a pair of 6 inch but i think better keep that for next time.

presentation on monday and i'm feeling totally messed. my group started the project so late and somehow everyone seemed to be calm about it. its just not my style to rush everything in the last min and it was very tough working with them. i think some ground rules need to be set from the next project. azy, pls wake up!

i've been receiving more compliments about how i look these days. it feels quite mixed cuz while you feel good about yourself, it seems a little superficial that people see you as someone who's just pretty. i know how fucked i looked in my st.marg's days and to a slightly lesser extent in my ac days but at least then ppl described me as confident, passionate, etc. now, its like i count for nothing more.. and somehow it is always attached with the question, "How come you are not attached?" its right now the hardest question to answer cuz i seriously cannot figure that out. and then i came across this article on Dawn Yeoh in todays's TNP.

she said,"I don't even have time for my family, much less a boyfriend ... It actually doesn't matter if I can find a certain person attractive. What is more important is that he's attracted to me. I'm just waiting for someone to make the move first." 

my sentiments exactly

I’m not a princess
This ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

its horrible feeling all so groggy. my nose is peeling from all those sneezing and it just won't go away! two whole months w/o blogging despite being online like most of the time.. i think i'm losing interest in blogging.. possibly a sign that i've grown up seeing i'm now 20!! yay! but then again, maybe its just my laziness. so, nothing much these hols except trip to batam with tutorial mates and bangkok/pattaya with family. shopping's just so not enough! these days, i'm just hoping to stay at home and waste my life away.. think i've been doing a pretty gd job at that.. 

bleah, my flu is acting again!

*coughs*coughs!

i should seriously remember to write more often before my blog dies. need to satisfy my narcissistic desires more frequently! well, the projects have been flooding me and its sick. i dun mind not having a life but the one thing i really treasure is sleep and i'm not getting much of it these days. i'm looking way uglier in pictures without sleep and my body clock has become wierd. i haven't touched books in ages and have no idea what's happening during lessons. Its not the lack of motivation but the fact that there's just too many things to do that you dun have time for anything else. Well, finally got my 201 revision for some chapters done. i should become a good girl again.

it was deepavali yest and well, guess i din really do anything. pretty normal like just another day. just a little foul that i din get any hongbaos but other than that, i'm happy to just stay home. my dad did give me 100 bucks but think it'll just go into my bank account which is looking pretty desperate right now. other than that, i've been drowning in dramas. i'm watching 6 shows at the moment and i'm so addicted. i just hope i can restrain myself during the mugging period. gosh! self-reminder: exams in 2 weeks! AHHHH!

its really hard being vegetarian. i'm still not breaking it but its like major hard to go out with anyone. i'm rotating between the same few places again and again and i'm feeling awful to see my frens not being able to enjoy their dinner. they are nice enough to accomodate me but its kinda making me feel so horrible. why can't everyone be vegetarian? its all the love for meat and its really sad to see that most people don't even have a tinge of guilt while others choose to ignore everything that happens in the process of making its way on their dinner plate. what makes us greater than animals that gives us the right to decide on their fate? i don't know.

many people have asked me how come it is alrite to eat plants but not animals. i cannot deny that i was stumped for a moment. but i read up and can only provide an answer based on my own beliefs. Plants and animals are not the same. plants do not have the complex neural systems that animals have and therefore, they are highly unable to feel anything when they are cut. you don't see plants moving or showing any signs of stress do you? this isn't the case for animals. i so wish animals were like plants but since they aren't, i dun wanna do it.

even my parents are against me so its quite demoralising. still wan to become a full vegetarian by 25 and my progress is pretty good. hopefully i keep to it. and hopefully, more vege stalls come up!



"If you believe in the law of the jungle,that you eating weaker animals is okay,why is stronger animals eating you not okay?

Like you, even an ant clings to its life and fears death.
Like you, even an ant prefers compassion.
Like you, even an ant wants freedom"

recess again. and i'm not going to go on abt how i dun think its recess and all that. yes, i do have alot of work but at least, its a break. so i'll gladly take it. have been up to alot thse past few weeks. aiesec's been pretty interesting. Jumpstart was very enriching and I'm ver happy to be somewhere where people don't judge or act superficially. It did take a little getting used to to see so many random ppl just talking to you but i quite appreciate it and it has really broadened my perspectives. at least i'm beginning to appreciate people more and am now even trying to take a step to achieve my goals.

meetings with diff groups of ppl. yes, was quite good. meeting my babes plus lw tmr. still need to find a slot of ed.. plus two days of non stop project meetings. yay, i enjoy my life! haha, really i do!=)

i survived a rather mad two days.. finally got some sleep which lasted more than the 2 hours(max) i've been getting. 201 din suck.. was better than expected thankfully. and the presentation..well dun wanna start swearing so lets just forget it..

recess is one week away and i need it so so badly..much to catch up and really wanna meet some people.. aiesec camp this weekend so dunno whether i'll even go home.. haven't seen my home in two weeks and i quite miss having aircon.. arghs..feel so overwhelmed. i dun even noe whether i should bother about all these recruitment talks or not.. i noe most of my frens dun care and frankly, i dun as well.. but i'm scared i won't get a decent job since i quite come very strongly at times and am too truthful during interviews that i totally flunk them..

to tell the truth, i just wish i could stop school and become an air stewardess and fly away to anywhere from here. there's so much stress and negativity that its totally killing my soul.. haiz, maybe i just need a break.

i think everything's turned out for the best. i'm not regretting anything that i've done and i thank God for somehow making something great out of a really bad situation that i was in. hare krishna!

school's madness as usual. and i'm glad i'm staying nearer to sch now seeing that i'm coming home from school almost 11 for like 3 days a week. i'm surviving on 3 hours of sleep rite now and i dunno how long i'm gonna last.. projects projects projects plus an in class assignment that i'm doomed to fail.. and wat more to say about my highly unintelligent decision to take chinese.. i barely can comprehend anything and its just way too much stuff to memorise.. i can't afford to screw it with a GPA thats hanging in the middle of nowhere.

argh! i need a break.. oh recess, can't you come a little sooner?

I've never felt as rejected. I don't understand. Where did I go wrong? I'm down and defeated. It's all over!

I've got a long way to go. its time i stopped thinking i'm invincible and face up to the task ahead.

tired yes. but from watching so much tv. i need to get back to my reading materials. plus two presentations up this week. haven't run in one whole week and i'm all flab now! and i'm so ashamed after seeing those hot divers. their packed with so much muscles but i swear i can see the ass bone- or watever you call it- of some of the girls. jealous? u bet.

olympics has distracted me from work... how i wanna be a gymnast!

so the new sch year begins and i'm more perplexed than ever.. the fact that chewy is not in my class means sf and i are in trouble. lessons started already and i'm not sure what exactly to make out of them. still thinking whether to change class.. but who the hell would wanna give up the best slot with the best teacher..and i'm broke as well.. thought of buying second hand but just got a little lazy.. so there went 80 bucks on just two books.. plus i cannot stand the freshies. they come into fal and make so much noise. one bitch even stretched her arm in front of my computer to get something from her fren. HELOOOO???!!

i noe this year is gonna be so different. but i need to focus..and only on my books!

dreading the start of a new school year. oh lord,let me always have you in my heart.

photo-taking later. i swore that i'm not gonna look as ugly as my other million pictures.. need to figure what kind of makeup to wear.. and what should i do to my hair.. its kinda stubborn but dun feel like tying back.. hmm.. i guess i'll just decide depending on my mood.

the emails from lecturers have started flooding. hate this soooo much.

my idiocracy has no limit. oh why am i born so dim-witted that i can't even give myself a proper nickname/username/emailadd/etc? i'm so taken away by all the fantasies in my head and i just nick myself anything that appears nice at that moment and i dun think about what it would sound like 10 years later! oh god, its not even 10 years yet! damn. i've got to become more imaginative. or well maybe a little less creative and stick to the boring ones.

i've got my interview tmr. tried to read up.. painstakingly went thru the business times that daddy had bought.. seriously, business news is so boring. its always abt share prices rising or tumbling.. and that results in all these companies either making money or screwing up.. and with all the oil price saga, the news is getting very repetitive. i wonder how i'm ever gonna survive in such a world. maybe i'll just stick to boring old auditing. ahhhs.. can't wait to get it over with.

having two ulcers in the mouth in one day isn't that great!

my mum's been badgering me to clean my room and i've been thinking that i've got a lot of time. but then i'm yet to start with anything and hols are almost over. i mean going out is like way more important than cleaning my room seeing how i have almost zero social life once i go back to school. ahhh. i know i'm just complaining but its just all this fuzziness when i think abt school reopening. i've never hated school opening as much as now. shits.

yayness! i think it went well mostly.. not sure actually..hehe?


oh anyways, check out this boy! He's like 19 and a bit kiddy but never expected such a song from a latin boy.

its been a long few days and tired at the end of it all. subject registration is rubbish and well, sok fang and i got most of our classes different from the rest of our classmates. right now, i'm not sure whether thats a good or bad thing.. but one thing's for sure, i'll be seeing alot more faces. will terribly miss my classmates but it'll be good to know more ppl.. hopefully i dun have to regret it.. but truth is, we were actually very lazy and refused to put ourselves thru such registration madness for four hours! so we tried like for 1.5 hours and gave up.

i've been getting extremely poor these days..my tuitions have not been working out as well as i hoped and i need more students to sustain my income. damn, it sucks being broke when there's a huge sale out there! anyway, i did but more clothes!=)

met the guys today..sadly pingy had choir and xt is still away.. really random cuz ppl kept coming and leaving. plus, the food festival was quite a failure and we went to suntec for nothing..all thanks to the inadequate research done by kok.. i think i've never eaten as much as i did today for a long long time.. first we went to the chinese restaurant and suntec, followed by nydc. we then went to far east for wanton noodles and then supper at this chicken rice place and another beancurd place..can't believe i spent so much on food.. and there was this huge flying cockroach at the beancurd place! ah sheng just jumped away from the table.. and even girls weren't doing it.

need to clear some issues today.. not sure how its gonna turn out but lets just hope for the best!

its really embarrassing when you see whatever you had done in the past coming back to haunt you.

note to self: pretty boys do not always look pretty

chocolate sienna cake.. yeah..my latest creation.

baking's fun..and maybe someday when i get old, i'll open my own cake shop..=)

so you wanna do a naked 2K run?

i'm really blessed.


The power of God is with you at all times; through the activities of mind, senses, breathing, and emotions; and is constantly doing all the work using you as a mere instrument.

-Bhagavad Gita

this euro is really for the dark horses.

everytime i look at the mirrors nowadays, i just feel like throwing something at it. its strange coming from the narcissistic bitch who loves obesessing over herself all day long but my esteem has been pretty low. and i have absolutely no idea why. i keep seeing myself as being fat, black and ugly, as if shrek looks more desirable than me.the worst part is that my depression has got me spending serious bucks on unwanted stuff. damn. i need help.

the song is so funny but totally hot...

The thing about love
Is i never saw it coming
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise
And now there’s a voice inside my heart that’s got me wondering
Is this true, i want to hear it one more time

Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder

Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again

Thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there’s no end in sight
The thing about me is that i really want to let you
Open that door and walk into my life

Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder

Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love

And it feels like it’s the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name

Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again

When you tell me you’re in love…
Say it again

I dunno..maybe i'll just apply for second major and see how.. i'll just reject it if i dun like it.. the thing is that i'm not interested in any minor so i dun really noe if its safe graduating with one degree.. but i also dun wanna end up mugging my whole uni life and maybe not even do well at the end of the day. so, i dunno..

my eyes are a little but screwed up rite now.. hope i dun go blind..

never thought that retail therapy could be this good.. is it just me or are there like way more sales this year than last.. so far, i got 2 Daniel Yam dresses which I dun really have an occasion to wear for right now, a Guess bag, a shiny pair of shoes,some accesories and random other clothes.. okay, i need more shoes and maybe some new clothes for school.. but i'm thinking i'm gonna start dressing down in school since everyone's so bochap and i dun wanna feel like some oddball..

the orphanage is really not that bad a movie.. i mean you never think that Western scary movies are ever scary but this one was very good.. it has got no gore or blood or monsters but they used old school horror movie tricks to scare you.. worth watching.. man, i wanna learn spanish!

plus, i dun think i'm gonna work.. its like less than 2 months and its not that easy finding a job.. which means less shopping..=<

results out. i've been trying to not check them all these time. not as good as the last time but better than i had expected. and thank god for stats!

Acct II-B+
Stats-B+
OB-B+
Econs-A-
Comms-A-

so, my gpa has fallen below 4.5.. somehow i think i have done eveything i could. i don't know, maybe i'll try to be less distracted. but first, i've got to start with astro.

no, i'm not dead. just lazy to blog or do much actually. one month of hol is already over. and so is astro.. just two more weeks and i can officially start holidays..yays!! i'm wondering whether to work but i suppose its hard to find work for like 2 months. maybe waitressing part time cuz i happen to have quite a number of tuition offers now.. and guess this will be like my last real holiday since it'll be internship next year. its fast ain't it.. one year's already over and two years from now, i'll be out of school..double yays!

i finally decided to plan start a prudential savings plan.. bank interest rate is ridiculous and i've gotta start making money if i wanna retire early. after my financial planner did an analysis, i realised that i actually have no expenditure.. i'm like totally living off my parents.. oops! i'm just consoling myself by saying that i indulge them with expensive stuff periodically.. but then again, maybe i seriously need to do something..

GSS is killing me.. it comes at a time when bank acc is at an all time low. darns! ok, so far, i've only spent $200 of which half was for someone else. and i still need to buy a bag, clothes, body shop stuff and maybe do my hair.. anyway, i finally saw harold and kumar that other day and man, its absolutely hilarious! i wonder why ppl say the first one's better.. i think this is better maybe cuz its more kinky.. =)

astro is really interesting.. not the lessons but the subject.. the scale of the whole universe is just beyond anything you can imagine that you are almost totally insignificant.. it'll really be fun to travel to visit galaxies and stars and who knows, you may find humans somewhere.. i was thinking like when i grow very old, i should go on a Voyager-like mission to another galaxy.. since Voyager will never return, i'll just be dead in space after seeing all those cool places.. though i doubt thats likely to ever happen.. haha.. i just wish those lectures could do justice to the subject..

steamboat at jp's place yest.. i was so full that i gained a full kg in 1 meal... need to get back to 45.. and fast..

I can't help but sometimes feel awfully jealous of everyone around me. let me list a few who have made me a little bit more miserable abt my life:

some fortunate beings who are born into families that became rich because their grandfathers were smart enough to make that one good business decision. these people will always be rich and prosperous without much effort of their own. it pains me to see these people getting mediocre grades and just strut their stuff overseas because you know that at the end of the day, they will be better off than you.. then what is the value of hard work? there is no level playing field in a society where the rich get richer and the middle class just gets more and more stretched.

the ones who have such freedom that they can choose their own destiny without being tied down by those around them.. i have felt terrrible about not being able to do many things .. never been able to stay out past midnite, never been able to travel on my own, never been able to be what i want to be, go for adventures.. it feels like being locked up in a shell which is tightly sealed. when those around me do everything that i would never be allowed to, it makes me so horrible jealous that i want to lock them all into a cage!

the people whom you label as "cannot-make-it"s who end up doing a hell lot better than you.. again, this could be partially due to money but it is worst when they end up in a good position because of pure hard work.. i think i've always been moderately hardworking and have always looked down at those who have their whole lives evolving around books and exams. but when you realise that this is perhaps another ticket to sucess when you are not naturally smart or rich, you feel so incapable at not being able to be like them. and you suddenly feel looked down at.

the ones you disregard who end up with girlfriends who are hell lot better than you.. you knew you had a chance in the past and you knew you totally blew it with that overflowing ego and pride.

the people who have such interesting lives. who go out with so many people and have lives that aren't as mundane as yours. i'm glad for the kind of friends i have but sometimes it really feels lonely when u see others who seem so popular and always doing things that you haven't done. compared to them, your life is really boring.. this year's been a really great example for that.




i suppose people probably think i have things that they wish they did.. like the fact that i should be happy to do my degree in the best local school, to have the kind of family that is so informal and somewhat enjoyable. to have the kind of drive to do things that they couldn't.. but when you get so used to your life, you don't appreciate it anymore.

i suppose the grass is always greener on the other side..

exam was over like a week ago... well, lets not really talk abt exams.. this sem is a disaster. period.

had that ubin trip the day after exam.. it was all pretty fast cuz it was only a sat/sun.. but it was way better relaxing at the resort than a stupid tent.. the chalets's quite alrite.. there were more than enough rooms and toilets for all of us.. except for that stupid air con that charles turned to 16 degrees.. ended up sleeping in a freezer..no exaggeration.. seafood was okay too.. i mean, i'm not a fan of seafood but the food was pretty good for the amt we paid. went up the quarry...cycled until my ass became sore.. bridge, captain's ball.. was great to spend time with ppl u normally dun and talk with them all in a different way.. yeah..it was fun..

still staying at my aunt's house except that now i come back home every now and then.. i'm gonna get into a 1 month plan to get into shape again. browsing thru fitness mags and videos.. still thinking of the half marathon.. also, need to start working.. can only do it part time cuz i'm taking special sem.. yeah, call me lifeless but i just wanna finish all this shit.. plus its only 1 module anyway.. plus i like astro!=)

got sheryl's party tmr.. need to find something pink and striped.. oh manz!

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll be she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough for me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

i suppose i should be studying seeing that exams are in one weeek.. yes i haven't started any revision and i dun even noe if i'll ever do it. this sem really sucks.. guess i should start hoping for some divine intervention.. my dinner plans keep getting postponed and i'm turning into a complete nerd. thank goodness i at least dun look that part..haha, at least i hope..

i'm actually staying with my aunt now, seeing that i can get to school in 10 mins instead of 1.5hrs.. maybe i'll stay there throughout the exam duration seeing how i have like zero distraction without an internet connection.. i have to start sometime and i need to do it now! YES YES YES!!! I'M GONNA START MUGGING NOW!!=)

unlike what the idiot leongwoon predicted, my creative assignment managed an A-. yays!=)

sometimes you regret and sometimes you just have to move on...

finally, finished with all projects and other bullshit except for a ob qna. relief at last.. the weekend was somehow productive. spending time doing tutorials and my depressing econs lectures..especially proud of my stats..finished the whole thing without the darn lecture. still got cs100 e-lecture to go.. other than that, its good for now..

i really think i need to get a life.. exams in one month and holidays soon after..yays! class outing..haha..we were thinking of ubin.. seriously sick of the place but wouldn't mind it as long as i dun go near noordin or bahru or see any np kids. like just sit near the beach and watch the sea without all the ppl shouting.. hmm..shall plan for the class..but hopefully not a sc6 nitemare...

piggy and i made a pact for a month. haha, can't really say wat its abt cuz i'm not sure who reads this.

so we'll see, 1 month from now..=)

my grandma passsed away last tuesday. seriously, i dunno how and what to feel. its not that i'm being some stone hearted bitch or anything but it was just strange that i didn't cry at all. not a single tear. i'm sad very much indeed but somehow death seems like a much better choice for her seeing what she was going thru. when i saw everyone crying, i felt like telling everyone to stop. i suppose there's not much anyone can do no matter how much they cry.. its krishna'a plan and we just have to accept it. it felt better that at least one of my cousin bro-in-law agreed with me.

my only regret is that i never really was there for her when she needed me. i was so caught up with everything else that it somehow didn't occur to me to see her despite my mom's constant pounding. and by the time i saw her, she was almost gone. not even concsious for her to hear anything i wanted to say. and for that last 20 mins of her life, i prayed to krishna for it to be as painless it as can be. for Him to release her soul, pure and unblemished.

i've had most of my childhood years spent with her and i've grown up hearing how she regards me as her favourite grandchild. she loved me alot and treated me like a princess.. she gave me everything i wanted.. there will be moments of sadness and i'm sure i'll really miss her. but this world was never a good place to start with and hopefully, she's somewhere better now. HareKrishna!


paati, i really love you and maybe, i'll see you when the time comes..till then..

desmond said today,

"The best way to hurt a guy is to give him hope."

I've been thinking a lot abt how i've been so disturbed this sem. it started differently such that this time, i was happier than last august. But things happen very unexpectedly and you just feel so affected even when you try not to. i feel guilty for not praying as much as i would have wished. its just that when u dun pray often, you feel seperated from God and that sucks. Right now, I wish I could say like so many things but i noe if i do, there'll be way too many consequences and i think i'm not ready for them.

i've made mistakes in the past and i thought i learnt from them. how not to be so proud, so full of myself and so egoistic. but right now, i'm feeling exactly as in the past. it feels so helpless. i dunno wat i need in my life right now.. so as the day goes by, i'm just trying to find whatever i'm missing..





ps. i watched boys after a really long time cuz my sister played it despite me screaming at her not to. siddharth is like the cutest guy ever (besides johnny). i just kept smiling from frame to frame cuz he looked so good whether he was clean, dirty or simply running nude. it was good that my mum wasn't around. and apparently he's like tamil speaking indian. i noe that doesn't matter to me but who would have guessed rite.. plus, he just got divorced..siddharth, want to marry me?

i've realised how my blog posts seem to be getting shorter and shorter. well, there's really very little going on and if i keep whining about school, i think i'll just depress myself. so, before i start complaining again, let me talk about open house..

personally, i think ntu open house was like damn crappy this year compared to last.. i mean the goodie bag had like 6 miserable stuff. but i guess, ntu never really was very hip or anything. the prospects looked pretty strange, and i kept wondering why i would want them in school.. oops. haha.. i was in the external bus group shuttling between boon lay and ntu like a million times until i just so hated bus trips. met some highly interesting individuals who were my fellow ambassadors. esp this guy called steve who was my partner. i mean, he's like really different from the so many other guys in school. for one, he's vegeterian which is great. he's also like so mature and has a much deeper thinking then those jerks around school. its good to meet such people at times as it reminds you that good people still exist.

i managed to earn 77 bucks for yesterday which is pretty good since i never really expected anything for helping out in open house. overall, its not a bad experience and i intend do do it again next year=)

i have accting meeting tmr and it sucks cuz its my free day. ob meeting on tue and maybe wed? creative writing due soon and i want to review it again even though i did it like some time ago. i have not done most of my hmwk and hopefully i can get it done by tmr. my frens keeping calling me out and i keep telling them next week.. but like the next week seems to never come. haiz.. there's also cc girls com this week and i'll have to think about whether i want to go.. not very interested though, esp with all this workload..

oh forgot to mention, CS100 was great. for once my studying paid off, even though i din study as crazy as for the other tests.

stupid kok reminded me of my single status again. urghz...

and as if 10% of my accounting grade wasn't enough.. now its another 20% of stats.

-disappointed-

i have no idea where my recess week went.. never left my house except for school.. its been days of mugging and trying to catch up on some sleep.. this week, i'll have stats and comms quiz.. accting project.. open house.. creative thinking and ob meetings to keep me company.. u can surely sense the excitement.. i haven't said no to going out as many times as last week.. i rmb saying some weeks back that i needed to get thru that week.. seems like i've to accept that its gonna be like that for some time now..



"Fear not what is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed.”-Bhagavad Gita

in prayer...

i think i'm seriously obsessed with johnny now.. the sweeney soundtrack is bloody awesome! "by the sea" is a seriously funny song..esp if u watch the movie where johnny acts like he doesn't give a heck abt what mrs lovett wants to do.. you'd love him just for that expression when he nods i do during the wedding. if you haven't watched it, go find it in youtube. you'll be addicted just like me..

its recess week.. a much needed break and i've spent teh first two days sleeping. productive indeed. acct quiz tmr. i din study like crazy cuz i was just too tired. well, if i suck, haha.. i dunno..

had the second ambassador training briefing on sat. yipee! i get to be inside the external shuttle bus instead of the bus interchange.. its more interesting.. geez.. this yr got acct buz double degree.. smu is seriously gonna have some trouble.. to everyone entering uni, COME TO NTU!!
okie, i've done my part!=)

its freaky when someone strange adds you in msn and happens to have your contacts from some jamie yeo fansite. haha.. seriously, when did that happen?

today's newspaper faetured this article on how sg girls were getting all too pampered.. making their boyfriends carry their bags, pay for dates and stuff.. quite an interesting read.. having seen so many of my close frens insisting that the guy should pay for the date. and i've also seen how paying for a date can go horribly wrong. speaking as someone with absolutely zero date experience, i wonder whats wrong with going dutch? i mean, if its a first date, obviously he's not your boyfren rite. imagine you two dun get along and u dun go out anymore.. then wouldn't it be like u owe him something.. plus, wat if the guy's not rich? i always scorn at girls who make their boyfrens carry their bags. might as well u get him a bag and tell bring all your stuff along during the date.

well, i suppose sg girls act as such cuz they want to be treated as princesses. i mean every girl has such a dream and if she was obsessed with trying to be one during regular times, ppl will think she's wierd. so the only person she can act all princessy around is the poor guy and she cleverly uses that opportunity. haha..

will i do that? possibly not, i'm more than that..

something damn funny happened today.. i msged someone thinking it was that person.. happens that its not her but has the same name as her.. plus she did have a fren with my name.. just not me.. so we were smsing for dunno how long before we realised that we din actually noe each other.. can u believe that?

liverpool won. i quite dreaded it cuz if they had lost, it would have been a quick exit for that bugger of a manager. but then, haiz.. whatever i want never happens.. sianz..

i pretty pissed off rite now.. its just not enough.. i seriously thought it was good enough but to get rejected? ( i know i'm not really saying what its abt, so u can make out watever you want).. i think maybe i'll try again.. see first lah..

need my exercise again.. i feel fat and ugly.. haiz.. cannot get so fat.. esp when all this stupid guys are getting thinner and thinner.. seriously, how the hell do u get thin in army?

watched 27 dresses.. nota big fan but it was alrite.. but the guy's cute..=)

indeed its overwhelming. but i need to push on..

cny gathering at et's house today.. haha.. not so big a gathering since like only like 8 ppl turned up.. but yeah..was still good to catch up with them.. finally! i got to see jp.. really random topics.. thinking abt the classmates of ours that we had forgotten.. abt how uni is seriously bad (its not that bad actually) and how we so miss dear ac.. haha.. how we kept poking fun of han fei and kinny.. yuesheng's bangla jokes.. chee hong's fly kite.. damn.. i really miss ac.. its so diff in uni cuz everyone's so nice.. haha..no one really wants to poke fun or make jokes.. its like everyone is somehow very similar to each other.. thats not a bad thing but i keep wondering how i'll rmb them 30 years from now.. hmmm.. well, i suppose everyone's diff and maybe it just needs more time..

had to leave halfway for yet another cousin's wedding, err rom actually.. seriously, too many ppl are getting married and its getting so routine.. they should like consider changing the way weddings are carried out.. and you can bet i will!=)


liverpool lost to barnsley. =( why's rafa still here?

why is it my fault that i look as such?

its karma.

its serious insomnia. for no particular reason. ha. it can be pretty useful esp when u are trying to listen to a dead boring stats lecture, you dun actually end up sleeping. but now, i'm stuck with super black rings around my eyes. looks damn awful and i cannot cover it up. sighz. i already look ugly, now its even worst! sigh... I NEED TO SLEEP! how ah?

its v day tmr. and once again, i dread leaving my house. cuddling couples, girls with roses, some mercilessly showing them off.. well, i have to admit, it does have an effect on me. not envious or anything but just that feeling of having someone. haha.. i think karma is working its effect rite now.. and there's not much i can do anyway. plus, i dun think i'm in need of someone to make me happy. i'm already pretty blessed..=) so tmr, i'll just be spending my day in the company of frens in school. well, it will be different since it wun be like old times.. but why not share some love with new frens.. haha.. anyway, i baked brownies for them (thanks to insomnia).. actually its a new recipe.. so they'll be my testers..geez..


now, now.. how do i learn how to sleep again?

why can't i sleep at night?

i think family guy is really quite funny.. i like south park better but i guess family guy sorta fills up the void of not watching south park.. and cny rocks! i noe i dun get ang baos but its still pretty good. caught up on a lot of rest and started my fitness routine again. crunches are seriously hot! my stomach looks damn tough(at times).. haha.. but still needs a lot of work! still got stats and accting to get thru. plus my ob speech. sianz..

I've been going all high and low the past week.. start of the week, i was feeling so dissappointed over just about everything and by midweek, it was all routine again.. and towards the end, i almost died with so many things to do..

cousin's wedding was simple and yet sweet. it feels more cosy when its a small wedding with very few people, knowing that they were there because they wanted to and not because they were forced. well, its nice to go to weddings anyway.cuz its always amazing to see how two people can choose to commit to each other for the rest of their lives, even if they get the shit out of each other.. and its never too early to start finding inspiration for my own wedding. i can almost visualise it. just that i dunno who i'll be kissing. haha.. well well, i'm sure that can wait for now..

there's acct presentation and ob to prepare for.. i so hate ob! it sucks all the joy out of me and everything feels so gloomy after doing ob. its only till next mon and there'll be a long break we do the next one. sadly, with the amount of work still not done, i'mnot looking forward to mon.

i know i was supposed to be studying and stuff but i just couldn't resist watching sweeney todd. my johnny sings so well! is there anything he can't do? the story is somehow predictable but i guess its the songs that make this movie worth watching.. the lyrics are painfully true even though you just dun want to admit it. johnny is such a genius! you just want to watch him more and more and even though you see him in the whole movie, you just cannot get enough of him. johnny, please marry me!

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...

i had my chance once... but now, i'm the foolish one...

funny really... how something you look forward to with so much expectations can just all of a sudden make you feel like a big joke. why does this keep happening again and again! everytime i hope for something, the possibility that it just cannot happen always seems to overwhelm me.. who am i to blame? myself for being the unluckiest person in the world? maybe its just the sacrifice i have to make for being born as me.

i cannot give up yet...

thanks for giving me back my sanity!


*TINSELTOWN*

PLEASEDON'TSTOPTHEMUSIC!

the weekend's been pretty good to me. i managed to finish all my hmwk on sat despite me worrying that even monday wouldn't be enough. gd thing i had time to colour my hair. i was thinking of doing it professionally but thought i'd better recuperate my dec losses. its mahogany copper but i now look like a redhead. i just hope ppl dun freak out tmr.

good news! i got in for the ntu ambassador thing. i sorta expected it anyway. i'm also gonna try for the prettytuff comm. i'm really unsure what i should be doing for that. i haven't been bad at interviews so far, so i hope i dun suck if there's one.

i find this sem to be harder than the last. the fact that they are so non-mathematical(with the exception of stats) is in no way honey to my ears. maybe i'm just over anxious abt how my gpa is gonna be affected. guess i shouldn't worry too much and too early.

sweeney todd is gonna be here soon. JOHNNYHONEY!!

the first few lectures have been totally unbeneficial! i noe nuts abt anything so rite now, i might be a little screwed. i seriously dun feel like sch has started. it just feels so ordinary and mundane and all the joy that i had during the holidays are being slowly sucked up dry. well, i was feeling quite the same at the start of last sem. it got better and i hope the same happens here.


I WANT TO GO ON EXCHANGE!!!

its back to school tmr. somehow,, the holidays are too short. i hate getting up early and going through the same routine schooldays. there are like tons of notes to print and i'm so gonna go broke. sianz..now, to enjoy the final few hours of my holiday..

i passed driving baby!


sweet...

DRIVING TEST!!!!!

i seriously feel so screwed right now. i'm just hoping for the best tmr!

the end is near and its probably time to remember the past year. 2007 was somehow strange and i guess filled with many transitions. my first full time job to leaving college to my first uni experience.

back in jan, i was pretty much wasting my life. it was the start of a long seven month break. there was nothing much to look forward to. i started work. i cannot deny i hated my first job(the people were great though), but it was a great eye-opener. i realised at that moment that marketing was not my cup of tea. and i wasn't willing to go that extra mile since i had no interest. working my second job with my babe was geat. the job was mundane but at least i had my babe.

with a level results out, i thought i had reached rock bottom. i know my results din suck that bad but i noe i had somehow left my parents disappointed. i quite hated them for that but i've learned to accept it. i thought my accountancy dream was dashed. with 1A, i could almost definitely not be able to make it to acct anywhere. but against the biggest odds, i made it to ntu acct. and i give thanks for that.

and then was the big wait for school to start. i din work after april. so it was 4 months of doing nothing much. but it gave me time to do things that i hadn't done for a long time. i had time to gym regularly, to watch movies, to take random walks around.. i tried to do everything that i probably wouldn't be able to once school starts. i guess i quite enjoyed myself during that time.

at the same time, piggy was going aussie. i noe i dun see her very often but it was somehow different to have her living a continent away from me. i think i've never really been very fair to her. so, i felt a little guilty and somehow, i just think we've lost touch, having gone different ways after st.margs. i love that girl, she's always been there for me and i noe she still will. i guess one thing i need to sort out for the new year is my relationship with her. i really wan things to get better.

uni started soon after and i quite thought i was going to hate it. ntu din really have the reputaion of being the "fun" school and i was expecting a huge culture shock coming from ac. and yeah, it was pretty different. the people were somewhat nice, that is to say too nice for my preference. but i guess, it was good being with these people in uni cuz it enabled me to be a better person. i bitched way lesser and minded my own business if it was not my right to interfere. i still dun think i would consider them close frens since i dun really tell them everything in my life but they are quite worth it. who knows? maybe the new year will bring us even closer.

school itself wasn't that stressful i think. i think its sometimes unfortunate if you are stuck in a course that you dun have the heart for. seeing that we were doing one chapter per week, it was much faster than any education form that i've ever gone through. but i guess i quite enjoyed what i was studying and din really have too much trouble with them. i din study like crazy, just did my homework and attended most of my lessons. there was always the pressure of all the others in acct. almost everyone was a 3As or above student. whenever they talked abt S papers they took in jc, i felt pretty stupid. in a way, it was like a reminder for me to never be lazy. sem 1 results have been quite fair. i never really agreed with biz law and i guess i can settle for the B. i just hope i can continue the run for the next 5 sems.

one thing that has been bothering me this year is my single status. i mean, i'm not out desperate for a boyfriend but its quite worrying somehow that at 19, i have had zero boyfriends,zero dating experience and almost zero chances of ever finding one. i noe everyone will say that its still early and i should just wait for the right one. yes, of course i'm going to wait for the right one but going by what i see, there seems to be no chance. i will never approach any guy neither does any guy show even the slightest interest. and if i like someone, i tend to ignore him as i don't want to seem desperate. but it quite backfires cuz he would probably think i have no interest at all in him. i don't know. my frens tell me i look cold and haughty, as if i'd had 10 boyfrens before. haha, its sometimes quite hilarious what my friends' first impression of me is. i guess i'm quite alrite for now, seeing that most of my frens are still single and have time for me. i believe there may be some changes in the coming year with more of my frens getting attached but i guess i'll think abt all that some other time. right now, i'm going to enjoy being the self-loving 19 year old single girl that i am. after all, its my last teen year.

with 2007 behind me now, i give thanks for all that i have learned and experienced. i've made mistakes, i've gotten back on my feet and now, i'm much more stronger than i've ever been. i look forward to the new year. i don't have a clue how its going to be but i'll just follow as my Lord leads.

now, for my resolutions.

1) run my first half marathon
2) never ever be complacent
3) strengthen my relationship with God
4) become a semi-vegetarian
5) work out my other relationships


2008, HERE I COME!!

cramps, vomitting, diarrhoea all at the same time!


dun worry, i survived.

watched national treasure today.. i guess it was on par with the first one. meryl streep was again awesome. bought tons of shoes.. i bought them all on impulse and now, i just realised that one of it is bloody uncomfortable.

2007 is coming to an end soon.. =)

thank you Krishna!

ok, now this is for results..


i've never done as well as this at any point of my life, especially when the competition is toughest at this stage. and throughout it all, Krishna has been here to help me. This year, for the first time in my life, i trusted my Lord and did everything as if it was an offering to Him, never expecting anything except whatever He chooses to give me. And the Supreme showed me so much love, be it studies, relationship or life that I'm just so thankful to have Krishna in my heart. My results aren't perfect to everyone, but to me, it is a testimony of God's unfailing love. I worked hard for my results mind you, and Krishna, my closest Friend took care of the rest.


I love you Krishna!more and more every moment..

thank you lord!



ps.this has got nothing to do with results. i bloody hell cannot log in.

now, what are my 2008 plans?

warlords is a real bad movie, whether u understand chinese or not.. the whole movie din seem to make sense and seriously, takeshi kaneshiro was the only entertaining one- he provided some comic relief to the long, dreadful, never-ending movie.

i did my first run today. i've totally lost all my stamina. i did my usual round around my neighbourhood and i had to go at a slower pace and was still more tired. i really wanna do my first half marathon next year. looks like its a real long way ahead.

i'm still mourning over my lost dress. walking down vivo with all the boutiques displaying that mini black dress makes me feel all the more depressed. GET OVER IT!

its been a pretty bad day.. my shoppin trip was supposed to be good but i ended up losing this bloody sexy hot black tube dress along the way and and now there goes my $$$ along with it. i just can't stop thinking abt since i'm rather cash strapped and was pretty sad to see my money go to waste like that. haiz. i really don't know..

liverpool lost. bleah...

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

- Iris, The Holiday (2006)

its been a great week. time to catch up with frens..

met yvonne that day. exchanged textbooks and i'm bloody screwed cuz i dun take the exact same modules as her so i only have one useful text book for next sem. but for now, i'm trying not to worry too much abt it. subway lunch and we went looking thru sasa. aaha, seriously jurong point is a boring place.. plus the books were damn heavy..

i'm almost finished with driving.. but i still seem to be sucking real bad. hopefully, i get some sorta miracle.

date with half my babe and leong woon. thanx guys for the somewhat loud and flambouyant lacy panties. its written athena like all over it! watched golden compass. it was rather hilarious. not the movie but wat happened in the cinema. there was this shitbreak who was sitting beside lw who started snoring like after 20mins and lw was so annoyed.. haha, it was like an anticlimax especially when we could hear that fat man's grunting during a serious scene. the movie was a little draggy at first i thought but finished alrite.but like since its a trilogy, i'll have to wait. maybe i'll read the book first.. brewerkz after that for dinner. plus cake, well it was ice cream with stout actually.haha, thanks so much guys!

pitstop with jc classmates. not many but it was alrite.. hah, just that we were like 1 hour late and could only stay there until 3pm cuz there were some ppl who booked it after that. lemme see, there was alisa, ym, yuesheng, shree, rebecca, joel, charleston, joel and surprise surprise, sherms. haha. but the food was quite good. just that we wished for more time to play.. since it was clarke quay and there's nothing to do at 3pm, we went to central to just walk.. some of them have like never stepped into central but i think there's really nothing much there lah.. xt joined us halfway and went to pepperlunch since she hadn't had lunch. kok joined slightly after that and we walked around clarke quay back to city hall.. by then it was just a few of us left.. kok showed us this erotic book at mph.. he's such a dirty shit. walked around marina and the guys were hungry again.. so we dinnered at kopitiam... the food there is cut throat.. so much for foodcourt.. and then it was walkin again since we couldn't figure what to do and sat is like bloody crowded everywhere. the cinema was full, bowling was full, pool as well.. and xt and i refused to go arcade.. we went to creative cuz they were having hourly promotions and joel was queing for the earphones.kok recommended it and i think it was pretty worth it, since it was going for 99 bucks, u.p. $169. went to starbucks at millenia walk after that.. talk rubbish again and then i had to leave first lah.. since i wanted to get home before my mum. it was great catching up after some time..

i wanted to sleep yest nite but there was the darn match that liverpool match. they are damn bloody fucked up.. benitez needs to be sacked!

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"



its my birthday and i'm awfully sick. now thats great!